Quote of the Day

2/4- “I think I throw the ball as hard as anyone. The ball just doesn’t get there as fast.” – Eddie Bane

2/3- “After Jackie Robinson, the most important black in baseball history is Reggie Jackson.” – Reggie Jackson

2/2- “It’s Groundhog Day…again.” – Groundhog Day

2/1- “My top schools where I want to apply to are Oxford and the Sorbonne. My safety’s Harvard.” – Rushmore

1/31- “Grab that net and catch that beautiful butterfly, pal!” – Wedding Crashers

1/30- “You always take the side of the help. That’s why Daddy says you’re a communist. ” – Midnight in Paris

1/29- “We only have him for one night.  We can’t keep him forever.” – The Hangover, Part II

1/28- “That’s a stupid thing to do during flu season.” - Uncle Buck

1/27- “After all my years, there are two things I never get used to — haggling with a player over his contract and telling a boy he’s got to go back.” – Connie Mack

1/26- “I’m not a poor loser, I’m a good loser. I’m so good at it I lose all the time!” – Charlie Brown

1/25- “You’re talking a lot, but you’re not sayin’ anything.” – Talking Heads

1/24- “If we are going to pay this much for crab it better sing and dance and introduce us to the Little Mermaid! ” – Date Night

1/23- “You and your mom are hillbillies.  This is a house of learned doctors.” – Step Brothers

1/22- “Am I mistaken, or didn’t we come here in a limo?” – Jerry Maguire

1/21- “Take her to Cambodia.  Buy her a lobster dinner.  Pay more than $1.” – Men in Black

1/20- “South to drop off, moron!” – Mr. Mom

1/19- “Captain, you don’t say ‘creep, creep’ unless you’re quoting TLC.” – The Other Guys

1/18- “We play today, we win today — that’s it.” – Mariano Duncan

1/17- “Your goal shouldn’t be to buy players, your goal should be to buy wins. And in order to buy wins, you need to buy runs.” – Moneyball

1/16- “In the movies the good guy gets the girl. In real life it’s usually the prick. ” – Youth in Revolt

1/15- “And I’d be watching you, like a dingo watches a human baby!… Okay, that sounded a little creepy…” – Megamind

1/14- “Your eggs are like, from the 40′s.” – Baby Mama

1/13- “All work and no play makes Jack- a vital member of society. ” – Ghost Town

1/12- “Wow, I just took one of the biggest poops of my whole life. What are you ordering? ” – The Invention of Lying

1/11- “I pay you to get on first, not get thrown out at second.” – Moneyball

1/10- “It depresses a manager to see his team cry.” – Charlie Brown

1/9- “Doesn’t this guy know the rules? I’m the rules.” – Fire Down Below

1/8- “With the rain in my shoes, searching for you, in the cold Kentucky rain.” – Elvis Presley (Happy Birthday to the King!  Would have been 77 years old)

1/7- “Neytiri calls me skxawng. It means ‘moron.’” – Avatar

1/6- “I like to think of Jesus as a mischievous badger.” – Talladega Nights:  The Ballad of Ricky Bobby

1/5- “Now, what we got here is a little game of show and tell. You don’t wanna show me nothing but you’re telling me everything.” – True Romance

1/4- “Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each new year find you a better man.” – Benjamin Franklin

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OK, vacation is over.  Back to work here…

12/14- “Does this napkin smell like chloroform?” – Hall Pass

12/13- “Your voice is like a combination of Fergie and Jesus.” – Step Brothers

12/12- “We elves try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corns and syrup.” – Elf

12/11- “Friendships are forgotten when the game begins.” – Alvin Dark

12/10- “If KY jelly went off the market, the whole California Angels pitching staff would be out of baseball.” – Bill ‘Spaceman’ Lee

12/9- “I don’t compare ‘em, I just catch ‘em.” – Willie Mays

12/8- “Waiter, would you just taste the soup.” – Coming to America

12/7- “Class isn’t something you buy. Look at you, you’ve got on a 500-dollar suit and you’re still a low-life.” – 48 Hrs.

12/6- “This isn’t America, Jack. This is L.A.” – Mulholland Falls

12/5- “I wish there was some way I could just pay the fine and go home.” – The Fisher King

12/4- “The more self-centered and egotistical a guy is, the better ballplayer he’s going to be.” – Bill ‘Spaceman’ Lee

12/3- “I want to be on you.” – Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy

12/2- “The body cannot live without the mind.” – The Matrix

12/1- “You go to therapy to get your issues out, not bang your therapist.” – Bad Boys II

11/30- “She puts the “ass” in “massive”. – Bring it On

11/29- “Once a carnie, always a carnie.” – Drop Dead Gorgeous

11/28- “I love you even when you’re sick and look disgusting.” – Love Actually

11/27- “Here’s a rather long record.  I hope I’m here at the end of it.” – Pirate Radio

11/26- “I pay you to get on first, not get thrown out at second.” – Moneyball

11/25- “All men must choose between two paths. Good is the path of honour, heroism, and nobility. Evil… well, it’s just cooler.” – Megamind

11/24- “We are the Hebrews. Righteous people – not very good at sports.” – Year One

11/23- “I just sharted.  Now let’s go.” – Along Came Polly

11/22- “Neurotic is simply an intense form of introspection.” – The Switch

11/21- “The key to hitting for a high average is to relax, concentrate and don’t hit the fly ball to centerfield.” – Stan Musial

9/21- “We should be cellmates. I don’t snore, and I’m a quiet masturbator. Hell, I’ll even give you the top bunk.” – Let’s Go to Prison

9/20- “We wasted the good surprise on you.” – Big Daddy

9/19- “I’m William Shatner; I can score anything.” – Fanboys

9/18- “Yes, behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes, folks!” – Bruce Almighty

9/17- “Nature is in crises. And only one mammalian is blamed” – The Switch

9/16- “That better be your lucky R2 poking me.” – Fanboys

9/15- “Baseball has been good to me since I stopped trying to play it.” – Whitey Herzog

9/14- “This is my Joe Torre look. I’m going to use it next season. I’ll manage the team from the bench like Joe Torre, and I’ll stare at everybody like this, and we’ll win every game.” – Charlie Brown

9/13- You sound like you’re from London.” – Forgetting Sarah Marshall

9/12- “Trapped in time and I don’t know what to do.  These friends of mine, I can see right through.” – Phish

9/11- “Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea; joy to you and me.” – Three Dog Night

9/10- “Lost my shape trying to act casual.” – Talking Heads

9/9- “He’s gonna get a flag on this but who cares?” – Jerry Maguire

9/8- “Three runs?!?  The Giants offense is on fire!” – ESPN Sportscenter

9/7- “Wow, I just took one of the biggest poops of my whole life. What are you ordering? ” – The Invention of Lying

9/6- “What are you looking at?  You’re laborers.  You’re supposed to be laboring.  That’s what you get for not having an education.” – Real Genius

9/1- “You smell like scotch and cheesecake.” – Step Brothers

8/31- “Other kids’ baseball heroes hit home runs. Mine gets sent down to the minors!” – Charlie Brown

8/30- “He’s like Gandhi, only better.  He likes puppets.” – Forgetting Sarah Marshall

8/29- “Maybe I can help. I’m a veterinarian.” – Battle: Los Angeles

8/28- “We need to talk about your TPS reports” – Office Space

8/27- “All I do is stare at their mouths and wrinkle my nose, and I turn out to be a sweetheart.” – Swingers

8/26- “You should be proud.  This hasn’t happened to me in a very long time.” – Couples Retreat

8/25- You sound like you’re from London!” – Forgetting Sarah Marshall

8/24- “And she knew that what she made would be the finest in the nation.” – Phish

8/23- “Just a walk in the park, Kazansky.” – Top Gun

8/22- “If you’re so worried about your appearance, are you gonna do something about your veiny, white skin? Because right now you look like an actor in a kabuki troupe.” – Going the Distance

8/21- “I’d rather hit than have sex.” – Reggie Jackson

8/20- “Expos fans discovered ‘boo’ is pronounced the same in French as it is in English” – Harry Caray

8/19- “Candlestick was built on the water.  It should have been built under it.” – Roger Maris

8/18- “What does a mama bear on the pill and the World Series have in common?  No cubs.” – Harry Caray

8/17- “When they start the game they don’t yell ‘Work Ball’.  They say ‘Play Ball’.” – Willie Stargell

8/16- “Jim is one of the easiest players of our generation to root for.” – Alex Rodriguez (on Jim Thome’s 600 HR milestone)

8/15- “Oh, and it looks like somebody’s got a pound of Aunt Betty’s Nut Butter.” – Little Giants

8/14- “TSA, motherf***er!” – She’s Out of My League

8/8- “May the good lord shine a light on you; make every song you sing your favorite tune.” – Rolling Stones

8/7- “I hate sequels.” – Be Cool

8/6- “He’s trying to kill me! I asked for the salted nuts. He brought me the unsalted nuts. The unsalted nuts make me choke!” – Throw Momma From the Train

8/5- “It was just a mission statement.” – Jerry Maguire

8/4- “He’s competing with the sun for the center of the universe.” – Lords of Dogtown

8/3- “I’m a man of simple tastes.  I like dynamite and gunpowder.” – The Dark Knight

8/2- “I just started auditing a woman who told me to get bent.” – Stranger Than Fiction

8/1- “Being traded is like celebrating your 100th birthday.  It might not be the happiest occasion in the world, but consider the alternative.” – Joe Garagiola

7/31- “The first step is love, the second is mercy.” – Bringing Out the Dead

7/30- “I like tulip. Tulip is much better than mongoloid.” – Pulp Fiction

7/29- “Ty Cobb wanted to play too but none of us could stand the son of a bitch when he was alive so we told him to stick it!” – Field of Dreams

7/28- “Oh this young man has had a very trying rookie season, with the litigation, the notoriety, his subsequent deportation to Canada and that country’s refusal to accept him, well, I guess that’s more than most 21-year-olds can handle… Ogie Ogilthorpe!” – Slap Shot

7/27- “You can’t leave!  All the plants will die!” – Stripes

7/26- “I try to look at the bright side. I guess you could say I’m an eternal optometrist.” – Dinner for Schmucks

7/25- “It’s just that your face is so… Como un burro.” – Despicable Me

7/24- “Ketchup is GOOD for you! It exfoliates the skin, so who’s the real victim here?” – Bedtime Stories

7/23- “It’s beer o’clock and I’m buying.” – Memento

7/22- “South to drop off, moron!!” – Mr. Mom

7/21- “Maurice, you make me sick when you speak.” – Slap Shot

7/20- “Hey, look!  I’m in….Delaware.” – Wayne’s World

7/19- “Even the sound of your piss in the urinal.  It sounds feminine.” – The Other Guys

7/18- “They feed Mantovani to insomniacs who don’t respond to strong drugs!” – Good Morning, Vietnam

7/17- “Read the Bible again sometime. Women are painted as bigger antagonists than the Egyptians and Romans combined. It stinks. ” – Dogma

7/16- “Sharks are like dogs, they only bite when you touch their private parts.” – 50 First Dates

7/15- “They say some of my stars drink whiskey.  But I have found that the ones that drink milkshakes don’t win many ballgames.” – Casey Stengel

7/14- “Life is like a baseball game.  When you think a fastball is coming, you gotta be ready to hit the curve.” – Jaja Q

7/13- “The day that you broke up with her, I marked that down in my calendar as a day of rejoicement.   I’m gonna celebrate it with a cake with her face on it, but instead of eating it, I’m gonna smash it.” – She’s Out of My League

7/12- “Baseball is a fun game.  It beats working for a living.” – Phil Linz

7/11- “You gotta be a man to play baseball for a living, but you gotta have a lot of little boy in you too.” – Roy Campanella

7/10- “We should breed Derek Jeter with Abby Wambach and make crazy clutch babies to take over the world with.” – Drew M.

7/9- “People ask what I do in winter when there’s no baseball.  I’ll tell you what I do.  I stare out the window and wait for spring.” – Rogers Hornsby

7/8- “There have been two authentic geniuses in the world, Willie Mays and William Shakespeare.” – Tallulah Bankhead

7/7- “I’m not your dad.  I’m just a guy taking 15%.” – The Scout

7/6- “I was giving him a faux-job.” – Hall Pass

7/5- “A hot dog at the ballgame beats roast beef at the Ritz.” – Humphrey Bogart

7/4- “You observe a lot by watching.” – Yogi Berra

7/3- “If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant’s life, she will choose to save the infant’s life without even considering if there are men on base.” – Dave Barry

7/2- “It’s like a crime scene in my pants.” – No Strings Attached

7/1- “Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies.” – Demtri Martin

6/30- “My grandma drank all my pot.” - Grandma’s Boy

6/29- “You realize if we played by the rules right now we’d be in gym?” – Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

6/28- “Missed it by that much!” – Get Smart

6/27- “I’m going to climb over that anger wall of yours one day and it’s going to be glorious.” – The Other Guys

6/26- “I’m sorry sir, I flunked flank.” – History of the World Part I

6/25- “Drop your shorts and bend over, Mr. Babar.” – Fletch

6/24- “There’s no escape. I’m God’s lonely man.” – Taxi Driver

6/23- “Marriage is punishment for shoplifting in some countries.” – Wayne’s World

6/22- “The K-12 dude. You make a gnarly run like that and girls will get sterile just looking at you.” – Better Off Dead

6/21- “Now you get up there and work that pole like a Russian immigrant.” – Date Night

6/20- “And if your dog or cat ever dies, I’ll buy you a ewe.” – Phish

6/19- “All our money he got suing the Dodgers after getting hit by a foul ball.” – Just Go With It

6/18- “We’re not athletes, we’re baseball players!” – Mr. Baseball

6/17- “That ball is as dry as your granddaddy’s scalp.” – The Natural

6/16- “A bartender with a last name of Bender….perfect.” – Mark H.

6/15- “Man, this is baseball. You gotta stop thinking.” – The Sandlot

6/14- “You know what I’ve noticed, people only say “lighten up” when they’re gonna stick their fist up your ass.” – Morning Glory

6/13- “I love show tunes, they really tell the story of the human condition.” – Land of the Lost

6/12- “It is as if you have grabbed me by the base of my snarglies!” – Coneheads

6/11- “You don’t want your breath to smell like your grandma’s closet?” – Grown Ups

6/10- “You’re gonna reason with a grown man in a dress?” – Heaven Help Us

6/9- “We can rebuild him.  We have the technology.” – The Six Million Dollar Man

6/8- “It’s the African anteater dance!!!” – Can’t Buy Me Love

6/7- “Adventure. Heh. Excitement. Heh. A Jedi craves not these things. You are reckless.” – The Empire Strikes Back

6/6- “Sometimes the songs that we hear are just songs of our own.” – Grateful Dead

6/5- “Hating the Yankees is as American as pizza pie, unwed mothers, and cheating on your income tax.” – Mike Royko

6/4- “Wind in the willows playing ‘Tea for Two’; sky was yellow and the sun was blue.” – Grateful Dead

6/3- “I never took the game home with me.  I always left it in some bar.” – Bob Lemon

6/2- “When you’re telling a story, have a point.  It makes it so much more enjoyable for the listener.” – Planes, Trains, and Automobiles

6/1- “It depresses a manager to see his team cry.” – Charlie Brown

5/31- “What, are you trying to be an Irish R&B singer?” – Superbad

5/30- “Where is Sascatchatoon?” – Grown Ups

5/29- “Hablo Smith and Wesson?” – Running Scared

5/28- “Danger, I was told to expect it.  I make my descent down the cold, granite steps.” – Phish

5/27- “We are on a mission from God.” – The Blues Brothers

5/26- “Don’t make me angry.  You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.” – The Incredible Hulk

5/25- “I want to get chocolate wasted!” – Grown Ups

5/24- “Bob Gibson is the luckiest pitcher I ever saw. He always pitches when the other team doesn’t score any runs.” – Tim McCarver

5/23- “Half black and half white is God’s Photoshop.” – Happy Endings

5/22- “It ain’t nothin’ til I call it.” – Bill Klem (umpire)

5/21- “I never threw an illegal pitch. The trouble is, once in a while I toss one that ain’t never been seen by this generation.” – Satchel Paige

5/20-  “Thank you for chossing Schooner Tuna…the tuna with a heart.” – Mr. Mom

5/14- “Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days.” – Originally by Benjamin Franklin but appropriately re-stated by Robert Wiederschall, my good ol’  Uncle Bob

5/13- “He neglected to mention that, downtown, they call this place Camp Blood” – Friday the 13th

5/12- “Twenty years later, I’m still upside down.” – Phish

5/11- “It’s easy to grin when your ship comes in and you know you’ve got the stock market beat.  But a man who’s worthwhile is a man who can smile when his shorts are too tight in the seat.” – Caddyshack

5/10- “Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.” – Bruce Almighty

5/9- “We found your stolen Prius, it was voting for Ralph Nader.” – The Other Guys

5/8- “You don’t save a pitcher for tomorrow. Tomorrow it may rain.” – Leo Durocher

5/7- “It’s better to be a live dog than a dead lion.” – Something Wild

5/6- “I party like that every 4 to 6 hours.” – Observe and Report

5/5- “Baseball is the only field of endeavor where a man can succeed three times out of ten and be considered a good performer.” – Ted Williams

5/4- “If I were a lion and you were a tuna, I would swim out in the middle of the ocean and freaking eat you and then I’d bang your tuna girlfriend.” – The Other Guys

5/3- “I love mankind.  It’s people I can’t stand.” – Charles Schultz

5/2- “I have never wished a man dead, but I have read some obituaries with great pleasure.” – Mark Twain

5/1- “Baseball is like a poker game, nobody wants to quit when he’s losing: nobody wants you to quit when you’re ahead.” – Jackie Robinson

4/30- “We’ve got a grease man.” – Oceans Eleven

4/29- “It gets late early out there.” – Yogi Berra

4/28- “A good cigar is like a beautiful chick with a great body who also knows the American League box scores.” – Klinger from M*A*S*H

4/27- “If you can pitch to Albert Pujols, you can handle a baby.” – Michael Barr

4/26- “Now let us gingerly touch our tips.” – Role Models

4/25- “Four of us wolves, running around the desert together, in Las Vegas, looking for strippers and cocaine.” – The Hangover

4/24- “I think I was the best baseball player I ever saw.” – Willie Mays

4/23- “Candlestick was built on the water. It should have been built under it.” – Roger Maris

4/22- “If I had done everything I was supposed to, I’d be leading the league in homers, have the highest batting average, have given $100,000 to the Cancer Fund and be married to Marie Osmond.” – Clint Hurdle

4/21- “You can’t say goddamn on the air.” – Major League

4/20- “Hemp is of first necessity to the wealth and protection of this country.” – Thomas Jefferson

4/19- “That’s great.  So old Elaine Robinson got started in a Ford.” – The Graduate

4/18- “You know the saying, ‘Human see, human do.’” – Planet of the Apes

4/17- “We’d have more luck playing pickup sticks with our butt-cheeks than we will getting a flight out of here before daybreak.” – Planes, Trains, and Automoblies

4/16- “My father loved coffee, and now we loved him as coffee.” – Due Date

4/15- “I shall never use profanity except in discussing house rent and taxes.” – Mark Twain

4/14- “All men must choose between two paths. Good is the path of honor, heroism, and nobility. Evil… well, it’s just cooler.” – Megamind

4/13- “At age 11, I audited my parents. Believe me, there were some discrepancies, and I was grounded.” – The Other Guys

4/12- “I hated to bat against Drysdale. After he hit you he’d come around, look at the bruise on your arm and say, ‘Do you want me to sign it?’ – Mickey Mantle

4/11- “Well boys, it’s a round ball and a round bat and you got to hit the ball square.” – Joe Schultz

4/10- “All you can do as a hitter is hit it hard.” – Mike Krukow

4/9- “Beethoven can’t really be great because his picture isn’t on a bubble gum card.” – Charles Schultz

4/8- “Running a ball club is like raising kids who fall out of trees.” – Tom Trebelhorn

4/7- “I think I’ll go out and get some doughnuts.” – Midnight Run

4/6- “If you shoot me, you’re liable to lose a lot of those humanitarian awards.” – Fletch

4/5- “Chicks cannot hold their smoke, that’s what it is.” – Weird Science

4/4- “Take her to Cambodia, get her a lobster dinner.  Pay more than a dollar.” – Men in Black II

4/3- “Hey baby, you must’ve been something before electricity.” – Caddyshack

“4/2- “If you stay with him long enough, you’ll get one of these…” – She’s Out of My League

4/1- “Losing is a disease, as contagious as syphillis.” – The Natural

3/31- “An opener is not like any other game. There’s that little extra excitement, a faster beating of the heart…You know that when you win the first one, you can’t lose ‘em all.” – Early Wynn

3/30- “When a pitcher’s throwing a spitball, don’t worry and don’t complain, just hit the dry side like I do.” – Stan Musial

3/29- “If a ties is like kissing your sister, losing is like kissing your grandmother with her teeth out.” – George Brett

3/28- “When I began playing the game, baseball was about as gentlemanly as a kick in the crotch.” – Ty Cobb

3/27- “You know, if everyone is as nice as you, country hospitality is gonna get an awful name.” – Hoosiers

3/26- “I just want to feed you.” – Down to Earth

3/25- “It’s immoral to let a sucker keep his money.” – Rounders

3/24- “Tigers love pepper.  They hate cinnamon.” – The Hangover

3/23- “Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue.” – Airplane

3/22- “For some players, luck itself is an art.” – The Color of Money

3/21- “That guy did not just get off the f***in’ couch. If he did, I’m gonna get a couch like that.” – The Fighter

3/20- “Dude! That is awesome-sauce.” – Parks and Recreation

3/19- “Pretty soon your woobie’s not enough.  Next thing you know you’re out on the street trying to score an electric blanket or a quilt.  Before you know it you’re strung out on bedspreads.” – Mr. Mom

3/18- “I like simple pleasures, like butter in my ass, lollipops in my mouth. That’s just me.” – Boogie Nights

3/17- “Use small children as shields.  Bears like soft, tender meat.” – Semi-Pro

3/16- “Not everything that counts can be counted and not everything that can be counted counts.” – Albert Einstein

3/15- “Cowards die many times before their actual deaths.” – Julius Caesar

3/14- “My own little rule was two for one.  If one of my teammates got knocked down, then I knocked down two on the other team.” – Don Drysdale

3/13- “I never threw the spitter, well, maybe once or twice when I needed to get a guy out real bad.” – Whitey Ford

3/12- “I don’t want to embarrass any other catcher by comparing him to Johnny Bench.” – Sparky Anderson

3/11- “I ask myself, how much blacker can this album cover be?  And my answer is none….none more black.” – This is Spinal Tap

3/10- “A player on a streak has to respect the streak.” – Bull Durham

3/9- “More fun than a frog in a glass of milk.” – Bob Weir

3/8- “I am on a drug. It’s called Charlie Sheen.” – Charlie Sheen

3/7- “I hate clowns. Are they happy? Are they sad? Why are their pockets so big?” – Mr. Sunshine

3/6- “I think about the cosmic snowball theory. A few million years from now the sun will burn out and lose its gravitational pull. The earth will turn into a giant snowball and be hurled through space. When that happens it won’t matter if I get this guy out.” – Bill ‘Spaceman’ Lee

3/5- “Sweep the leg.” – The Karate Kid

3/4- “I’d like to make a Mila out of her Kunis.” – Dana Carvey on SNL

3/3- “Please get out of my Van Halen t-shirt before you jinx the band and they break up.” – The Wedding Singer

3/2- “Do it for Johnny!” – The Outsiders

3/1- “Your wife was just showing us her Klimt.” -Back to School

2/28- “When you get a massage, you sound like a Tiajuana prostitute.” – Modern Family

2/27- “Remind me in church on Sunday to thank God for making fools.” – Diggstown

2/26- “There’s no way, no way that you came from my loins. Soon as I get home, first thing I’m gonna do is punch yo mamma in da mouth!” – Smokey and the Bandit

2/25- “Release the Kraken!” – Clash of the Titans

2/24- “If you get 3000 hits, you don’t have to be a team player. If you have a lifetime .314 average, you don’t have to be a good guy. If you lead the league in batting for three years, you can be the biggest jerk in the world!” – Mr. 3000

2/23- “Waiter!  Would you just taste the soup?!?” – Coming to America

2/22- “You wear too much eye make-up.  My sister wears too much eye make-up.  People think she’s a whore.” – Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

2/21- “I can taste it.  On my tongue.  Is that onion?  Onion and…..onion and ketchup.” – Step Brothers

2/20- “Laugh it up, Fuzzball.” – Star Wars

2/19- “I remember the Secret Service being tougher.” – Red

2/18- “He always gives off the signals of a psychopathic killer, so it really doesn’t matter how you interpret them!” – The Great Santini

2/17- “A pitcher needs two pitches;  one they’re looking for and one to cross them up.” – Warren Spahn

2/16- “Mater….as in tuh-mater.” – Cars

2/15- “I’ve had other men love me before, but not for six months in a row” – Sixteen Candles

2/14- “My closets relationship is with my Blackberry.  Thank God it vibrates.” – Valentine’s Day

2/13- “Anybody interested in grabbing a couple of burgers and hittin’ the cemetery?” – The Royal Tenenbaums

2/12- “Poor drunks do not find love, Arthur. Poor drunks have very few teeth, they urinate outdoors, they freeze to death in summer.” – Arthur

2/11- “ If you two wanna turn yourselves into a greasy spot on a country road somewhere, go right ahead. I don’t give a shit and I don’t think anybody else does, regardless what they say to your face. But you two monkeys are not going to do it on my racetrack.” – Days of Thunder

2/10- “It’s called talent.  I just have it.  I can’t explain it. You either have it or you don’t.” – Barry Bonds

2/9- “I’m convinced that every boy, in his heart, would rather steal second base than an automobile” – Tom Clark

2/8- “I’m 6’5″, 220 lbs, and there’s two of me.” – The Social Network

2/7- “Trying to sneak a fastball past Hank Aaron is like trying to sneak a sunrise past a rooster.” – Joe Adcock

2/6- “It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course.” – Hank Aaron

2/5- “The key to being a good manager is keeping the people who hate me away from those who are still undecided.” – Casey Stengel

2/4- “There is no charge for awesomeness… or attractiveness.” – Kung Fu Panda

2/3- “The likelihood of one individual being right increases in direct proportion to the intensity with which others are trying to prove him wrong.” – Heaven Can Wait

2/2- “Ned… Ryerson. “Needlenose Ned”? “Ned the Head”? C’mon, buddy. Case Western High. Ned Ryerson: I did the whistling belly-button trick at the high school talent show? Bing! Ned Ryerson: got the shingles real bad senior year, almost didn’t graduate? Bing, again. Ned Ryerson: I dated your sister Mary Pat a couple times until you told me not to anymore? Well?” – Groundhog Day (well what’d you expect?)

2/1- “You know, thank God you jumped, because if you didn’t, I was supposed to throw you off!” – The Game

1/31- “It means Matt Lauer can suck it!” – Land of the Lost

1/30- “You had me at meat tornado.” – Parks and Recreation

1/29- “You are telling me the hottest chick I’ve ever met in my life wants you, and the Hamburglar wasn’t into me? Listen to yourself.” – She’s Out of My League

1/28- “I shouted out ‘who killed the Kennedys,’ when after all, it was you and me.” – Rolling Stones

1/27- “An army without leaders is like a foot without a big toe. And Sergeant Hulka isn’t always gonna be here to be that big toe for us. I think that we owe a big round of applause to our newest, bestest buddy, and big toe… Sergeant Hulka.” – Stripes

1/26- “It’s time for someone to put their foot down and that foot is me.” – Animal House (the classics never get old and it’s been on late night cable a lot lately)

1/25- “My childhood was like the Shawshank Redemption, except I didn’t have some old, warm, black man to share my story with!” – Four Christmases

1/24- “You don’t realize how easy this game is until you get up in that broadcasting booth.” – Mickey Mantle

1/23- “People think we make $3 million and $4 million a year. They don’t realize that most of us only make $500,000.00.” – Pete Incaviglia

1/22- “Give a man a fish and he’ll eat for a day.  Teach a man to fish and he’ll eat for a lifetime.” – Confucius

1/21- “With the money I’m making, I should be playing two positions.” – Pete Rose

1/20- “There are only 2 seasons — winter and baseball.” – Bill Veeck

1/19- “Who dropped a whole truckload of fizzies into the varsity swim meet? Who delivered the medical school cadavers to the alumni dinner? Every Halloween, the trees are filled with underwear. Every spring, the toilets explode.” – Animal House

1/18- “You don’t actually think they spend $20,000.00 on a hammer, $30,000.00 on a toilet seat do you?” – Independence Day

1/17- “Whoever sold you those suits had a wonderful sense of humor.” – Goodfellas

1/16- “Everybody’d be nice to you if they knew you were dying.” – Bang the Drum Slowly

1/15- “If some science magazine graphed your stupidity, they’d have to add a little fold-out flap to extend the dumb bar off the page.” – Get Fuzzy

1/14- “I’m not really considered a media darling.” – Albert Belle

1/13- “There’s a man going around taking names and he decides who to free and who to blame.  Everybody won’t be treated all the same.  There’ll be a golden ladder reaching down when the Man comes around.” – Johnny Cash

1/12- “Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former.” – Albert Einstein

1/11- “Off the top of my head, I’d say you’re looking at a Boeski, a Jim Brown, a Miss Daisy, two Jethros and a Leon Spinks, not to mention the biggest Ella Fitzgerald ever.” – Ocean’s Eleven

1/10- “I was in the moment and the moment said smack ya.” – Cop Out

1/9- “Look who’s in the freezer:  Uncle Ebeneezer!” – Phish

1/8- “With the rain in my shoes, searching for you in the cold Kentucky rain.” – Elvis Presley

1/7- “Seems to me, you just turn your pretty head and walk away.” – Joe Walsh

1/6- “Yeah, how about that lunch?  All that brown stuff.” – Stripes

12/23 – “The king will be dead in a month and his son is a weakling.  Who do you think will rule when that happens?  Open the gate.” – Braveheart

12/22- “I faced it all and I stood tall and did it my way.” – Frank Sinatra

12/21- “It’s just like Santa’s workshop! Except it smells like mushrooms… and everyone looks like they wanna hurt me… ” – Elf

12/20- “Even Bigfoot has eyewitnesses.” – Daredevil

12/19- “You can do anything you want.  My safe word is blueberry pancakes.” – The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard

12/18- “Who brought the good news bear?  Somebody give her some f—ing honey.” – She’s Out of My League

12/17- “You never ask me what’s on the flip side.” – Diner

12/16- “There are two types of people in this world: Those who like Neil Diamond, and those who don’t.  My ex-wife loves him.” – What About Bob?

12/15- “Too early for flapjacks?” – Groundhog Day

12/14- “In the brightest day, in the blackest night, no evil shall escape my sight.  For those who worship evil’s might, beware the power of Green Lantern’s light.” – Green Lantern

12/2- “I wanna make bank, bro.  Snappin’ necks and cashing checks.” – Step Brothers

11/4- “You’re a moodle.  A man poodle. Girls, they wanna take you out on a walk. They wanna feed you, they wanna cuddle you, but make no mistake, no girl wants to do the moodle.” – She’s Out of My League

11/3- “All managers are losers.  There are the most expendable pieces of furniture on Earth.” – Ted Williams

11/2- “Grab some pine, meat.” – Mike Krukow

11/1- “Yesterday’s lazy cures today’s crazy.” – Modern Family

10/31- “I met this six-year-old child, with this blank, pale, emotionless face and, the blackest eyes… the *devil’s* eyes. I spent eight years trying to reach him, and then another seven trying to keep him locked up because I realized what was living behind that boy’s eyes was purely and simply… *evil*.” – Halloween

10/30- “Here’s to swimmin’ with bow-legged women.” – Jaws

10/29- “He used to cut my grass, he was a very nice boy.” – Frank Zappa (Joe’s Garage)

10/28- “That skirt that you’re wearing goes way past your knees.” – Traffic

10/27- “Fare you well, fare you well, I love you more than words can tell.  Listen to the river sing sweet songs, to rock my soul.” – Grateful Dead

10/26- “Your brain is full of lollipops, rainbows, and cheese.” – Get Him to the Greek

10/25- “If you’re not practicing, somebody else is, somewhere, and he’ll be ready to take your job.” – Brooks Robinson

10/24- “I’ve seen the future and it’s much like the present, only longer.” – Dan Quisenberry

10/23- “Congratulations. You’re actually drinking, driving, smoking, leering and groping at the same time.  Which on one hand, is just about the coolest thing ever but on the other hand, maybe isn’t so great for the image.” – Win a Date with Tad Hamilton

10/22- “You’re Hollywood; you date models. He’s Jersey; he skis in his jeans.” – Just Friends

10/21- “Great. Stuck in an elevator with five guys on a high-protein diet.” – X-Men Origins:  Wolverine

10/20- “We all have our little faults.  Mine’s in California.” – Superman

10/19- “Macadamia nut!  That’s the one that would always put her over the top.” – Best in Show

10/18- “I have no trouble with the twelve inches between my elbow and my palm.  It’s the seven inches between my ears that’s bent.” – Tug McGraw

10/17- “They say anything can happen in a short series.  I just didn’t expect it to be that short.” – Al Lopez

10/16- ” Being with a woman all night never hurt no professional baseball player.  It’s staying up all night with one that does him in.” – Casey Stengel

10/15- “Friendships are forgotten when the game begins.” – Alvin Dark

10/14- “If I ever find a pitcher who has heat, a good curve, and a slider, I might seriously consider marrying him, or atleast proposing.” – Sparky Anderson

10/13- “I may be goin’ to hell in a bucket, babe, but atleast I’m enjoying the ride.” – Grateful Dead

10/12- “Haven’t you heard? Goofy is the new handsome.” – Bedtime Stories

10/11- “Never is a concept the Yankees will ever come across.” – Andy Pettitte

10/10- “Gosh, all a kid has to do these days is spit straight and he gets forty thousand dollars to sign.” – Cy Young

10/9- “The sun don’t shine on the same dog’s ass all the time.” – Catfish Hunter

10/8- “You just keep thinkin’, Butch. That’s what you’re good at.” – Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid

10/7- “Haha that’s funny I didn’t know ath-e-letes had three syllables… thats ama-za-zaing.” – The Benchwarmers

10/6- “A pimp’s love is very different from that of a square.” – Idiocracy

10/5- “Nobody makes me bleed my own blood – nobody!” – Dodgeball

10/4- “Pain heals.  Chicks dig scars.  Glory….lasts forever.” – The Replacements

10/3- ” True love is hard to find, sometimes you think you have true love and then you catch the early flight home from San Diego and a couple of nude people jump out of your bathroom blindfolded like a goddamn magic show ready to double team your girlfriend…” – Old School

10/2- I got a rock.” – It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown

10/1- “And you definitely don’t pull a hypothetical gun on your therapist!” – Couples Retreat

9/30- “Nothing wrong with silver.” – Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby

9/29- “There’s a real big gap between getting your ass kicked and having a dancing, singing sprite fool you with trickery and then strike your throat before you even know you’re in a fight.” – The Break-Up

9/28- “Use small children as shields, bears like soft tender meat.” – Semi-Pro

9/27- “You can insult a lot of things of mine – my hair, my voice, my balance board exercises – but don’t insult my selling.  That crosses a line.  What line?  You don’t see it?  That’s because I just sold it.” – Modern Family

9/26- “You can’t fend off a horde of blood thirsty vikings with a shehnai.” – Serendipity

9/25- “Last game of the season, can’t hold anything back.” – The Waterboy

9/24- “City plush with a royal flush, aces back to back.” – Grateful Dead

9/23- “Oh, well, now your back’s gonna hurt, ’cause you just pulled landscaping duty.  Anybody else’s fingers hurt?… I didn’t think so.” – Happy Gilmore

9/22- “You did the worst thing you could do in a situation like that.  You panicked and threw a bucket of chum in my face.” – Couples Retreat

9/21- “The truth will set you free but before it does; It’s gonna piss you off!” – My Best Friend’s Girl

9/20- “I know I’ve got a lock on the Dutch Hall of Fame.” – Bert Blyleven

9/19- “It’s hard to win a pennant, but it’s harder to lose one.” – Chuck Tanner

9/18- “Would ya just watch the hair. Ya know, I work on my hair a long time and you hit it. He hits my hair.” – Saturday Night Fever

9/17- “I’m not trying to make history here.” – Jerry Maguire

9/16- “Your kid is one crutch short of a telethon.” – Very Bad Things

9/15- ” Just hand me the oil.  Go grab a smoke.” – Couples Retreat

9/14- “You know the difference between men and boys?  Boys bet everything on everything!  Boys think every hand is a royal flush!  You play cards with a man, he knows his limits.” – Cop Land

9/13- “I can do what I want.  I’m a friggin’ angel.” – Down to Earth

9/12- “No, I’ll never get over Macho Grande.” – Airplane 2

9/11- “Never forget.” – Me and everyone else that was there on this day, 9 years ago

9/10- “Loads of elevators play Celine Dion – that don’t make it right.” – The Rocker

9/9- “If you no help me, I say f— you, Joboo.  I do it myself.” – Major League

9/8- “Baseball has been good to me since I quit trying to play it.” – Whitey Herzog

9/7- “I think there should be bad blood between all clubs.” – Earl Weaver

9/6- “Yeah, well if she’s so brilliant, how come she’s sitting in our neighbor’s car?” - Parenthood

9/5- “It’s supposed to hurt.  That’s why it’s called an ass-kicking.” – Transformers 2

9/4- “Push the fish, it’s about to turn.” – Waiting

9/3- “He’s the only guy I know who can go four for three.” – Alan Bannister on Rod Carew

9/2- “It’s no easy road, this struggle and strife we find ourselves in, the show of life.” – Phish

9/1- “You’re just gonna wipe that booger off on your shirt there, huh?  Savin’ it for later?” – The Golden Child

8/31- “You’re my boy, Blue!” – Old School

8/30- “I was in the moment and the moment said smack ya.” – Cop Out

8/29- “You wouldn’t come to work with a hangover unless you were an alcoholic. Dude, you got a disease!” – School of Rock

8/28- “Now that’s an oogie mess.” – Misery

8/27- “You’re gonna eat lightnin’ and you’re gonna crap thunder!” – Rocky

8/26- “Moisture is the essence of wetness, and wetness is the essence of beauty.” – Zoolander

8/25- “Hey, while I’ve got you here in my personal space, would you mind signing my hours sheet?” – Role Models

8/24- “If you ain’t first, you’re last.” – Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby

8/23- “My heroes, my dreams, and my future lie in Yankee Stadium and they can’t take that away from me.” – Derek Jeter

8/22- “I knew when my career was over.  In 1965, my baseball card came out with no picture.” – Bob Uecker

8/21- “Do you even know how to drive an automatic?” – What Happens in Vegas

8/20- “What was I supposed to do – call him for cheating better than me, in front of the others?” – The Sting

8/19- “I just caught my first tube today.” – Point Break

8/18- “Don’t let the beard fool you.  He’s a child.” – The Hangover

8/17- “I never realized that batting a little ball around could cause so much commotion.” – Stan Musial

8/16- “High fastballs.  She can’t hit ‘em and she can’t lay off ‘em.” – A League of Their Own

8/15- “Mai? Oh, yeah. Little Asian chick, likes to kick people? I don’t think she’s gonna be talkin’ to anybody for a really long time. Last time I saw her she was at the bottom of a elevator shaft with an SUV rammed up her ass.” – Live Free or Die Hard

8/14- “I’ll play it like Lionel Richie, all night long, lady.” – The Break Up

8/13- “Looks like they’ll be importing oil this year, Chappy.” – Iron Eagle

8/12- “Eat a Pi for charity!” – Revenge of the Nerds

8/11- “I was taught a month ago to bide my time and take it slow.  But then I learned just yesterday to rush and never waste the day.” – Phish

8/10- “Who wants to sniff this bush?” – Role Models

8/4- “You swim in confidence, drown in negativity.” – Don Cooper

8/3- “Liking both Marvin Gaye and Art Garfunkel is like supporting both the Israelis and the Palestinians.” – High Fidelity

8/2- “Never talk about your problems ’cause men don’t really listen or care.” – The Ugly Truth

8/1- “Shall we go, you and I while we can, through the transitive nightfall of diamonds?” – Grateful Dead

7/31- “Hey, you’re making me look stupid. Get out of here, Panda Jerk.” – Anchorman:  The Legend of Ron Burgundy

7/30- “Toss away stuff you don’t need in the end.  But keep what’s important and know who’s your friend.” – Phish

7/29- “I thought spies drank martinis.” – Spy Game

7/28- “Hmph.  Called me a ‘cracker’.  Ruined my day.  Briings me back to a time when I owned land and people.” – Louis C.K.

7/27- “There’s an expiration date on all of us.” - Kenny Williams, G.M. Chicago White Sox

7/26- “You may run like Mays but you hit like sh*t!” – Major League

7/25- “I’m not buddy-buddy with the players.  If they need a buddy, let them buy a dog.” – Whitey Herzog

7/24- “On the other side of the screen, it all looks so easy.” – Tron

7/23- “I didn’t know Jews could sing like that.” – Role Models

7/22- “And of course, with the birth of the artist came the inevitable afterbirth… the critic.” – History of the World Part I

7/21- “I’m very proud of my area around the plate.  I don’t want anyone messing with my dirt.” – Jorge Posada

7/20- “Eighty percent of the people that hear them (your troubles) don’t care and the other twenty percent are glad you’re havin gthem.” – Tommy Lasorda

7/19- “You want me to be more like a father?  Stop pulling your sister’s hair!  How’s that?” – Big Daddy

7/18- “Brian McCann’s got 99 problems but a pitch ain’t one.” – ESPN Sportscenter guy whose name I can’t remember right now

7/17- “You see this foot? It’s from a little town called “Rich Man’s Ass” and it’s getting’ homesick!” – Down to Earth

7/16- “Gambling is illegal at Bushwood and I never slice.” – Caddyshack

7/15- “Sorry I’m late. There was this big problem… and I’m late because of it.” – The Sure Thing

7/14- “I’m so tired.  Tired of playing the game.” – Blazing Saddles (to be sung with a German accent)

7/13-  “Winning is the most important thing in my life, after breathing.” – George M. Steinbrenner III

7/12- “Now that we’re at .500, there’s only two ways to go.” – Dave Winfield

7/11- “Yesterday’s history, tomorrow’s a mystery.” – 21

7/10- “Google me b*tch!  I might be famous one day!” – Four Christmases

7/9- “I hate LeBron.” – Every resident of Cleveland, Ohio

7/8- “Two in the box!  Ready to go!  We be fast and they be slow!” – Ghostbusters

7/7- “If you can’t spot the sucker in the first half hour at the table, then you ARE the sucker.” – Rounders

7/6- “The wife’s a big Loggins and Messina fan.” – Evan Almighty

7/5- “My buddy’s wicked smaht!” – Good Will Hunting

7/4- “Hit the one in the middle.” – Rocky IV

7/3- “And Wilson had declared that any person you possessed it was a crook!” – Phish

7/2- “I’m going to take a pillowcase and fill it full of bars of soap and beat the sh*t out of you!” – Step Brothers

7/1- “Is it true that if you don’t use it, you lose it?” – The 40 Year Old Virgin

6/30- “Seven bucks?  What are you, 6 years old?” – Superbad

6/29- “You people should have thought about that nineteen years ago before you stopped my mother from going into that clinic! Have a blessed day.” – My Best Friend’s Girl

6/28- “Sorry — unless you want to see Andy [Pettitte] take it in the WHIP-hole.” – My wife Deborah in response to my telling her not to tell me anything more about the Yankees games that I had to DVR yesterday

6/27- “I’m not going to buy my kids an encyclopedia.  Let them walk to school like I did.” – Yogi Berra

6/26- “Hey, Professor, I’d do anything for an A!” – Transformers 2

6/25- “I did not achieve this position in life by having some snot-nosed punk leave my cheese out in the wind.” – Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

6/24- “If this place catches fire, I will grab my daughter and step on the rest of you on our way out.” – Louis C.K.

6/23- “We’re not done yet.” – Landon Donovan

6/22- “That’s some bad hat, Harry.” – Jaws

6/21- “Would you please put some pants on? I feel weird having to ask you twice.” – The Hangover

6/20- “Pete Rose is the most likable arrogant person I’ve ever met.” – Mike Schmidt

6/19- “Ah, I missed it. I was going to fist you.” – Yes Man

6/18- “Do you have anything that says, ‘Daddy likes leather?’” – Arrested Development

6/17- “It’s ’cause I been drinking, bitch!” – Hancock

6/16- “We’re all in this together, and we love to take a bath.” – Phish

6/15- “I could field as long as I can remember, but hitting has been a struggle all my life.” – Brooks Robinson

6/14- “I’m like my mother, I stereotype. It’s faster.” – Up in the Air

6/13- ”One of the beautiful things abou tbaseball is that every once in a while you come into a situation where you want to, and where you have to, reach down and prove something.” – Nolan Ryan

6/12- “You’ve got a helluva nerve, young man.” – Hair

6/11- “Now you’s can’t leave.” – A Bronx Tale

6/10- “I’m gonna remeber you like you whupped my ass in the 3rd grade.” – Down to Earth

6/9- “Ain’t gonna be no rematch.” – Rocky

6/8- “There are only two places in the league – first place and no place.” – Tom Seaver

6/7- “He was born on third base and thinks he hit a triple.” – Susan Fraker (often confused for the original, but only repeated by Barry Switzer and Jim Hightower)

6/6- “The older pitcher acquires confidence in his ballclub – he doesn’t try to do it all himself.” – Burleigh Grimes

6/5- “Swing away Merrill. Merrill… swing away.” – Signs

6/4- “She’s into malacas, Dino.” – Weird Science

6/3- “I like to starve myself; it keeps the fear up.” – The Deer Hunter

6/2- “We’re not gonna fall for the banana in the tailpipe.” – Beverly Hills Cop

6/1- “I hit Popeye’s, Del Taco. 14,000 calories later, I found myself down at Subway… powering through a 12 inch veggie on whole wheat babbling to a cut-out of Jared.” – Land of the Lost

5/31- “That’ll do, donkey.  That’ll do.” – Shrek

5/30- The trouble with baseball is that it’s not played the year round.” – Gaylord Perry

5/29- “Managing is getting paid for home runs someone else hits.” – Casey Stengel

5/28- “I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolf pack.” – The Hangover

5/27- “If you’re having girl problems I feel bad for you, son.  I got 99 problems but a b*tch ain’t one.” – Jay-Z

5/26- I know Sany Koufax’ weakness.  He can’t hit.” – Whitey Ford

5/25- “Do you mind if we dance wif yo dates?”- Animal House

5/24- “I ain’t ever had a job.  I just always played baseball.” – Satchel Paige

5/23- “The boss isn’t always right, but he’s always the boss.” – A Serious Man

5/22- “Nobody should hit .200.  Anyone should hit .250.” – Charlie Lau

5/21-”"My feeling is that when you’re managing a baseball team, you have to pick the right people to play and then pray a lot.” – Robin Roberts

5/20- “That’s my darling Luke. He grins like a baby but bites like a gator.” – Cool Hand Luke

5/19 – “Baseball is a lot like life. It’s a day-to-day existence, full of ups and downs. You make the most of your opportunities in baseball as you do in life.” – Ernie Harwell

5/18- “The sport to which I owe so much has undergone profound changes, but it’s still baseball. Kids still imitate their heroes on playgrounds. Fans still ruin expensive suits going after foul balls that cost five dollars. Hitting streaks still make the network news and hot dogs still taste better at the ballpark than at home.” -  Duke Snider

5/17- “Why does everyone talk about the past?  All that matters is tomorrow’s game.” – Roberto Clemente

5/16- “One feels like a cantaloupe and the other like a Ziploc bag filled with mushroom soup.” – 30 Rock

5/15- “My character isn’t important enough for a last name, because I’m gonna die five minutes in.” - Galaxy Quest

5/14- “A realtor is just a ninja in a blazer.” – Modern Family

5/13- “Are you ready to get your ass kicked by a guy with long hair and wears more make-up than your mom does?” – Rock Star

5/12- “We are men of action.  Lies do not become us.” – The Princess Bride

5/11- “I could have played another year, but I would have been playing for the money, and baseball deserves better than that.” – George Brett

5/10- “If they knocked down two of your guys, I’d get four.  You have to protect your hitters.” – Don Drysdale

5/9- “You’ll never make it in the show with fungus on your shower shoes.” – Bull Durham

5/8- “[Jake] Peavy’s slider is a little harder with a little more hair on it.” – Rance Mulliniks

5/7- “You’re my assistant. You’re supposed to back me up and go get me juiceboxes whenever I want. Now go get me a juicebox!” – Kicking and Screaming

5/6- “I will probably begin with a very classy first line… something like: say, sweet thing, can I buy you a fish sandwich?” – The Ladies Man

5/5- “God watches over drunks and third basemen.” – Leo Durocher

5/4- “I dunno.  I never smoked any Astroturf.” – Tug McGraw

5/3- “Have you had a Junior Mint yet?  They’re very refreshing.” – Michael Kay to Al Leiter on the Yankees /Orioles broadcast on the YES Network

5/2- “Someone needs to get Carlos Quentin a cocktail.  And by that I mean a dick in his ass.” – GM of Stevie’s Franchise in the Cooperstown Classic fantasy baseball league after enduring a .173 April

5/1- “A pitcher needs two pitches;  one they’re looking for and one to cross them up.” – Warren Spahn

4/30- “When a pitcher is throwing a spitball, don’t worry and don’t complain, just hit the dry side like I do.” – Stan Musial

4/29- “When I say ‘I’m witch you’, I mean ‘I’m witch you’.” – My Blue Heaven

4/28- “I piss excellence.” – Talladega Nights:  The Ballad of Ricky Bobby

4/27- “I may have been fierce, but never low or underhand.” – Ty Cobb

4/26- “Arrows cost money. Use up the Irish. The dead cost nothing.” – Braveheart

4/25- “Call me a**hole one more time.” – Hancock

4/24- “Basically snakes don’t have parts like you and me, but if I had to guess, I’d say it was his knee.” – The Waterboy

4/23- “The scotch is older than she is.” – Spy Game

4/22- “Winners win and losers have meetings.” – Ozzie Guillen

4/21- “The key to winning baseball games is pitching, fundamentals and three run homers.” – Earl Weaver

4/20- “The only way to catch a doper is when you yourself become a smoker. The surest way to make them bleed is when you bust their ass and steal their weed.” – Cheech and Chong’s Nice Dreams

4/19- ” Smoke up, Johnny!” – The Breakfast Club

4/18- “Of course I’ve looked under the bed, of course I’ve looked under the bed. That’s where you look when you lose things.” – Best in Show

4/17- “Snow cone?  Don’t worry….they’re lemon.” – Monsters, Inc.

4/16- “Does this mean I don’t get a baseball?” – The Rookie

4/15- “…but in the world nothing can be said to be certain except death and taxes.” – Benjamin Franklin

4/14- “We’re not gonna fall for the banana in the tail pipe.” – Beverly Hills Cop

4/13- “Do you want to tie me up with some of your ties, Ty?” – Caddyshack

4/12- “You’re making things very difficult when all I want to do is buy these boots.” – The 40 Year Old Virgin

4/11- “Take my eyes, but not the shirt.” – Forgetting Sarah Marshall

4/10- “He’s playing fetch with my kids.  He’s treating my kids like dogs.” – Knocked Up

4/9- “See the city.  See the zoo.  Traffic light won’t let me through.” – Phish

4/8- “You can’t hit what you can’t see.” – Walter Johnson

4/7- “Baseball is 90% mental.  The other half is physical.” – Yogi Berra

4/6- “Why’s he calling me meat? I’m the one driving a Porsche.” – Bull Durham

4/5- “Hey, your mom has a pretty good arm!  I ain’t seen the floater pitch since Scuffy McGee!” – Rookie of the Year

4/4- “PLAAAAAAY BAAAAAAALL!!!!!” – the voice in my head when I woke up this morning

4/3- “I didn’t want salmon!  I said it four times!” – Step Brothers

4/2- “It was like a holiday with….I wouldn’t say Hitler, but Gerbels definitely.” – Forgetting Sarah Marshall

4/1- “I wish that tart would just go back to Columbia and take her little Brown friend with her.” – Modern Family (If you haven’t seen it, you must.  Funniest 30 minutes on TV these days.)

3/31- “I’m getting smarter.  I finally punched something that couldn’t sue me.” – Billy Martin

3/30- “I’m not the manager because I’m always right, but I’m always right because I’m the manager.” – Gene Mauch

3/29- “Booze, broads and bullshit. If you got all that, what else do you need?” – Harry Caray

3/28- “Too early for flapjacks?” – Groundhog Day

3/27- “Those who are tardy do not get fruit cup.” – High Anxiety

3/26- “No matter what I talk about, I always come back to baseball.” – Connie Mack

3/25- “Family bicker. Customers complain. Everyone blames Taka. Have no… peace of brain.” – Major League III: Back in the Minors

3/24- “You stay classy, San Diego.” – Anchorman:  The Legend of Ron Burgundy

3/23- “Good is not good when better is expected.” – Vin Scully

3/22- “Don’t sell yourself short Judge, you’re a tremendous slouch” – Caddyshack

3/21- “In 1962 I was named Minor League Player of the Year.  It was my second season in the bigs.” – Bob Uecker

3/20- “I took the two most expensive aspirins in history.” – Wally Pipp

3/19- “Flyza Minelli.  How’d I not know that kid was gay?” – Modern Family

3/18- “People don’t start playing ball at your age, they retire!” – The Natural

3/17- “It’s supposed to be fun, the man says ‘play ball’ not ‘work ball’ you know.” – Willie Stargell

3/16- “Is this place pager friendly?  Because I don’t seem to be getting a signal.” – The Hangover

3/15- “Et tu Brute?” – Julius Caesar

3/14- “I drank what?” – Socrates

3/13- “Good pitching will always stop good hitting, and vice-versa.” – Casey Stengel

3/12- “What’s up with you and junk-punching?” – What Happens in Vegas

3/11- “I look like a nerdy hillbilly.” – The Hangover

3/10- “A catcher and his body are like an outlaw and his horse.  He’s got to ride that nag til he drops.” – Johnny Bench

3/9- “He makes Porcello look like he’s out there playing catch with his sister.” – unnamed scout after watching Stephen Strasburg’s spring debut vs the Tigers

3/8- “My neck!  My back!  My neck and my back!” – Friday

3/7- “I only had a high school education, and believe me, I had to cheat to get that.” – Sparky Anderson

3/6- “Baseball is as much, if not more, about the past as it is the future.  Players are responsible for making memories more than they are giving hope.” - Trent Latta, Seattle Mariners fan during discussion on his team’s rebuilding process

3/5- “Pitching is the art of instilling fear.” – Sandy Koufax

3/4- “I’d walk through hell in a gasoline suit to play baseball.” – Pete Rose

3/3- “Is that goal regulation size or what?!?” – Happy Gilmore

3/2- “It’s a beautiful day for a ballgame…let’s play two.” – Ernie Banks

3/1-  “As soon as we see the ocean, we know we’re home.” – The Warriors

2/28- “‘Subordinate’, it comes from the Latin meaning ‘my bitch’.” – What Happens in Vegas

2/27- “Hitting is better than sex.” – Reggie Jackson

2/26- “It helps if the hitter thinks you’re crazy.” – Nolan Ryan

2/25-  “If you know how to cheat, start now.” – Earl Weaver

2/24- “The only thing you know about pitching is that it’s hard to hit.” - Bob Gibson to Tim McCarver when Tim made his frist trip out to the mound

2/23- “You should see the toast.  I couldn’t even get it through the door.” – Uncle Buck

2/22- “I prefer noogies.” – Planes, Trains and Automobiles

2/21- “It’s made with bits of real panther, so you know it’s good. – Anchorman:  The Legend of Ron Burgundy

2/20- “What more can we say about these White Sox?  Atleast they’re not from Canada.” – Major League II

2/19- “You put snot on the ball?” – Major League

2/18- “Heroes get remembered but legends never die.” – The Sandlot

2/17- “I believe in the Church of Baseball.” – Bull Durham

2/16- “That leaves no one but me to blame, ’cause Mama tried.” – Grateful Dead

2/15- “They don’t know me at all.  I’m a gangsta in a Oprah suit.” – Cirie from the TV show Survivor

2/14- “All you need is love.” – The Beatles

2/13- “I love it when a plan comes together.” – The A-Team

2/12- “A glimpse, by definition, is an impermanent thing.” – The Family Man

2/11- “Her candles smell awesome!!” – What Happens in Vegas

2/10- “He’s like Ghandi, only better.  He likes puppets.  I love puppets.  A little Fraggle Rock, some Elmo, a little Lambchop, Sesame Street’s Bert and Ernie, Snuffleupagus.” – Forgetting Sarah Marshall

2/9- “I cling like a lizard to the side of a cliff.” – Phish

2/8- “If you’re gonna float an air-biscuit, let me know.  I’ll hit the fan.” – Weird Science

2/7- “I could make you a pair of those. But first you gotta tell me what you shove in there to make people think you’re a guy.” – Rock Star

2/6- “ So, I gotta go to Tibet, because I’m the Chosen One. Why can’t anybody choose me to go to the Bahamas?” – The Golden Child

2/5- “If I eat that I’ll smell like you.” – Grease

2/4- “If you can’t say it, you can’t do it.” – Risky Business

2/3- “Peter matured sexually at a very early age. I remember taking him swimming when he was twelve-years-old, kid had a bush like a forty-year-old Serbian.” – I Love You, Man

2/2- “It’s Groundhog Day…again.” – Groundhog Day

2/1- “Do not diss the Starchild.” – Role Models

1/31- I was taught a month ago to bide my time and take it slow. But then I learned just yesterday to rush and never waste the day.” -Phish

1/30- “If the head’s not removed right, you could end up with a beak in your bucket or a mouth full of tendons.” – Yes Man

1/29- “Forget about the curveball, Ricky. Give him the heat!” – Major League

1/28- “I love your sexy talk. It’s so kindergarten. ‘Poo poo’. ‘Wee wee’.” – Clerks

1/27- “It made me want to go out and buy rubbers.” – Lethal Weapon 2

1/26- “People don’t mature anymore. They stay jackasses all their lives.” – She’s Having a Baby

1/25- “It’s Vietcong! No ’s’! You wouldn’t say Chineses, would you? – Tropic Thunder

1/24- “It’s an imperfect world, but it’s the only one we got. I guarantee you the day weapons are no longer needed to keep the peace, I’ll start making bricks and beams for baby hospitals.”- Iron Man

1/23- “Now that’s a face for radio.” – Evolution

1/22- “What’s the matter, Colonel Sandurz? Chicken?” – Spaceballs

1/21- “Six bucks and my right nut says we ain’t landing in Chicago.” – Planes, Trains and Automobiles

1/20- “The early bird gathers no moss! The rolling stone catches the worm!” – The Truman Show

1/19- “Stupid is as stupid does.” – Forrest Gump

1/18- “A genuine leader is not a searcher for consensus but a molder of consensus.” – Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

1/17- “No, I like to rock n’ roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands… I can only rock from like 1-3.” – Role Models

1/16- “This is Oprah! She farts on a book and it magically sells a million copies.” – Mr. Woodcock

1/15- “Murders and rapes in the city, people bomb planes, can the police stop ‘em? No! But feed one little cow to a crocodile…” – Lake Placid

1/14- “Well why don’t you give me your number in case anything happens to my wife.” – Old School

1/13- “You scratched my anchor!” – Caddyshack

1/12- “Don’t worry about me making money. I’m in love with a woman who makes plenty of it. She’ll be my sugar mamma.” – Big Daddy

1/11- “It’s not a purse, it’s called a satchel. Indiana Jones wears one.” – The Hangover

1/10- “Big tree fall hard.” – Wedding Crashers

1/9- “Strike that, reverse it.” – Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

1/8- “Truth is like the sun. You can shut it out for a time, but it ain’t goin’ away.” – Elvis Presley

1/7- “Same reason as every other dentist. Couldn’t get into med school.” – Good Luck Chuck

1/6- “J-E-T-S! JETS! JETS! JETS!” – Fireman Ed

1/5- “There is no tomorrow! There is no tomorrow!” – Rocky III

1/4- “We all know most marriages depend on a firm grasp of football trivia.” – Diner

1/3- “Staple gun… Not so bad on the way in, except it’s a little scary, you know – you got this metal thing pressed up against you. Gonna leave some marks, have to deal with a little blood loss.” – The Wrestler

1/2- “We’re gonna need a bigger boat.” – Jaws

1/1- “For last year’s words belong to last year’s language and next year’s words await another voice. – T.S. Eliot

12/31- “I need to B my L all over somebody’s T’s” – Forgetting Sarah Marshall

12/30- “Hey, this is Phil. Leave me a message, or don’t, but do me a favor: don’t text me, it’s gay.” – The Hangover

12/29- “Winner winner chicken dinner!.” – 21

12/28- “There is no unauthorized breeding in Jurassic Park.” – Jurassic Park

12/27- “You never go full retard.” – Tropic Thunder

12/26- “He’s playing fetch with my kid. He’s treating my kid like a dog.” – Knocked Up

12/25- “Every time Catherine revved up the microwave, I’d piss my pants and forget who I was for about half an hour or so.” – Christmas Vacation

12/24- “You’ll shoot your eye out.” – A Christmas Story

12/23- “Shall we go, you and I while we can? Through the transitive nightfall of diamonds.” – Grateful Dead

12/22- “Tell your dog not to worry, sooner or later we all lose our balls.” – Marley & Me

12/21- “I can get a good look at a T-bone by sticking my head up a bull’s ass, but I’d rather take a butcher’s word for it.” – Tommy Boy

12/20- “You know I don’t speak Spanish.” – Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy (or maybe it’s was Will Ferrell on and old SNL doing Robert Goulet…?)

12/19- “Life’s a garden. Dig it.” – Joe Dirt

12/18- “I watched my son use a bicycle for a weapon.” – Step Brothers

12/17- “Who me? I’m the unsilent majority!” – Rocky IV

12/16- “Oh stewardess! I speak jive.” - Airplane!

12/15- “Mistletoe!” – Four Christmases

12/14- “I don’t know who you are. I don’t know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don’t have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my daughter go now, that’ll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don’t, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.” – Taken

12/13- “Why don’t you tell your daddy to comb his damn hair, look like some spiders is having a meetin’ on his head.” – Friday

12/12- “The balls roll funny for everybody, kiddo.” – The Color of Money

12/11- “I’ll miss you most of all, Scarecrow” – The Wizard of Oz (sorry, just thinking of someone stupid at this moment)

12/10- “We’re gonna need to get some more FBI guys, I guess.” – Die Hard

12/9- “No, you go to hell, and while you’re there, why don’t you grab me a juicebox!” – Kicking and Screaming

12/8- “I’m talkin’ about an 8-piece, let’s go!” – Little Nicky

12/7- “Oh, eureka. God, that’s nice. It’s like a little bowl of oatmeal with a hole in it. I got one too. I just got a little more brown sugar on mine.” – Starsky and Hutch

12/6- “At most, you got muscles.” – Field of Dreams

12/5- “Got a blank space where my mind should be.” – Phish

12/4- “Shamu is Jewish?” – Keeping Up With the Steins

12/3- “It’s better to burn out than to fade away!” – Highlander

12/2- “With all these different species, what’s being done about the feces?” – Evan Almighty

12/1- “Who wants to hear about my STD from the silent film era?” – Grandma’s Boy

11/30- “Are you mad that you died at the end of Die Hard?” – Funny People

11/29- “We elves try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corns and syrup.” – Elf

11/28- “Hey look, you’ve got a stain too. We’re blood brothers.” – Superbad

11/27- “Off to find the mythical clitoris!” – Forgetting Sarah Marshall (yes, I’m back on this movie again…)

11/26- “Hey Mick! Get stuffed!” – Crocodile Dundee

11/25- “Contrary to popular New York myth the Times is not omniscient.” – Serendipity

11/24- “Don’t screw up the best thing in your life just because you’re a little unsure about who you are.” – The Family Man

11/23- “If you read the T.V. Guide, you don’t need a T.V” – The Lost Boys

11/22- “Of course if the umps are watching me real close I’ll rub a little jalapeo up my nose, get it runnin’, and if I need to load the ball up I just…” – Major League

11/21- “Peace, through superior firepower” – Point Break

11/20- “This is my corn. You people are guests in my corn” – Field of Dreams

11/19- “Tell her you miss her whispering eye.” – Role Models

11/18- “May the good lord shine a light on you. Make every song you sing, your favorite tune.” – Rolling Stones

11/17- “Fiddle-dee-dee. War, war, war; this war talk’s spoiling all the fun at every party this spring.” – Gone With the Wind (my wife’s favorite movie…happy birthday, baby!!)

11/16- “You don’t get a refund if you over-pray.” – Phish

11/15- “60% of the time it works every time.” – Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy

11/14- “I climbed Mount Kilamanjaro. I ate bat in Laos. I killed a cow with a bazooka….ok I’m not proud of that last one.” – Yes Man

11/13- “It’s the f—in Catlina Wine Mixer!” – Step Brothers

11/12- “When did you have time to eat a diaper you found on the beach?” – 30 Rock

10/5- “It ain’t over ’til it’s over.” – Yogi Berra

9/28- “Officer, I’d like to report four bodies in my backyard.” – Invasion of the Body Snatchers

9/27- “I’m working with some very unstable herbs.” – Accepted

9/26- “Usually you pay double for that kind of action, Cotton” – Dodgeball

9/25- “Oh no no no, dead broad OFF THE TABLE!” – Shrek

9/16- “Don’t poke the bear in the zoo.” - Love & Sex

9/15- “This is Chuck reminding Bill to shut up!” – Night Shift

9/14- “No one ever wins a fight.” – Road House; RIP Patrick Swayze

9/13- “Sometimes I call myself “The Booby Watcher”, and I have my own comic book. “The Adventures of The Booby Watcher.” – Role Models

9/12- “I kill a communist for fun, but for a green card, I gonna carve him up real nice.” – Scarface

9/11- “They say taupe is very soothing.” – Ocean’s Thirteen

9/10- “Last game of the season; can’t hold anything back.” – The Waterboy

9/9- “Sports writers of the world unite; you have nothing to lose but your bar privileges.” – Eight Men Out

9/8- “I’ll have the pancakes in the Age of Enlightenment.” – Swingers

9/7 – “Love brokers!!” – Night Shift

9/6- “My brain is like oatmeal. I yelled at Kenny today for coloring outside the lines! – Mr. Mom

9/5- “Will you marry me, bitch? – Me, Myself and Irene

9/4- “I can have a vial of crabs here in 30 minutes.” – What Happens in Vegas”

9/3- “You can always hire half the poor to kill the other half.” – Gangs of New York

9/2- “No yelling on the bus!!!” – Billy Madison

9/1- “I may have inadvertently poisoned your children.” – Kicking and Screaming

8/31- “I love you bro Montana.” – I Love You, Man

8/30- “I never been to Earth, Dad! I never even slept over some other dude’s house!” - Little Nicky

8/29- “Hey Liz, that’s a really nice necklace. Did you have it a second ago?” – Forgetting Sarah Marshall

8/28- “I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany.” – Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy

8/27- “I refuse to play your Chinese food mind games!” – Dude, Where’s My Car?

8/26- “I think I’ll transfer you to the undergrowth department, brackens, more shrubs, that sort of thing… with a 19% cut in salary, backdated to the beginning of time.” – Time Bandits

8/25- Soon your luscious, honey-sugar, melifluous life is gonna end!” – Phish

8/24- “Marriage is like a tense, unfunny version of Everybody Loves Raymond, only it doesn’t last 22 minutes. It lasts forever.” – Knocked Up

8/23- “It’s like killing a unicorn… with, like, a bomb.” – Pineapple Express

8/22- “Your voice is like a combination of Fergie and Jesus” – Step Brothers

8/21- “Mother Nature just pissed her pants-suit!” – Tropic Thunder

8/20- “Discovering the object of the game is the object of the game.” – The Game

8/19- “I think that guy’s smoking on the field!” – The Replacements

8/18- “I’m gonna go get 5 beers so we each have 2.” – The genius mathematician that sat in front of me at the Yankees/A’s game last night

8/17- “Just hit it, pillowhands. Don’t worry, it’s not gonna hit you back.” – Youngblood

8/16- “Now boys, don’t get caught watchin’ the paint dry!” – Hoosiers

8/15- “No more shines, Billy.” – Good Fellas

8/14- “What’s a little boy like you doing with big boy smut like this?” – Better Off Dead

8/13- “Man, I don’t drop character ’till I done the DVD commentary.” – Tropic Thunder

8/12- “I just went from 6 to midnight.” – Forgetting Sarah Marshall

8/11- “Your hands and feet are mangos; you’re gonna be a genius anyway!” – Phish

8/2- Sorry folks…no quote today. Just a moment of silence for #15 Thurman Munson.

8/1- “We’ve learned that if you keep the tuna fresh, people will keep coming back.” – The Heartbreak Kid

7/31- “I told Althea I was feeling lost; lacking in some direction.” – Grateful Dead

7/30- “So why don’t you make like a tree and get out of here…” – Back to the Future

7/29- “And I’m sorry I called you hillbilly. I don’t even know what that means.” – Wedding Crashers

7/28- “My doctor says I swallow a lot of aggression….along with a lot of pizzas.” – Stripes

7/27- “Hello, Vinny. It’s your Uncle Bingo. Time to pay the check!” – Batman

7/26- “Twenty years later, I’m still upside down.” – Phish

7/25- “You look like you got some pain behind those eyes.” – Forgetting Sarah Marshall

7/24- “Your friend is so shiny” – The 40 Year Old Virgin

7/23- “If you listen to DMX, the baby comes out goin ‘Ennngghhh!” – Baby Mama

7/22- “I never did it with baked goods, but you know your uncle Mort, he pets the one-eyed snake 5-6 times a day.” – American Pie

7/21- “Yes, I do have the biggest pants in the league.” – CC Sabathia on Live With Regis and Kelly

7/20- “Beth, you were standing with Oscar. Is he your main…weiner man?” – Better Off Dead

7/19- “I always think of the Sammy Davis song, The Candyman, every time I see Orlando Hudson. He is such a delight to be around!” – Vin Scully

7/18- “You know Tommy Lasorda? I hate Tommy Lasorda.” – Fletch

7/17- “I’m wiry.” – The Replacements

7/16- “Remember? I went to prom with a tux painted on my naked body? And then I spilled punch on myself and everyone could see my dong?” – Saving Silverman

7/15- “That’s like slapping God across the face for giving you a beautiful gift.” – Superbad

7/14- “Wouldn’t you rather play a nice game of chess?” – Wargames

7/13- “Mr. Madison, what you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.” – Billy Madison

7/12- “Is that your sister out there in left field, naked? She’s naked?” – The Sandlot

7/11- “There’s a ninety-five pound Chinese man with a hundred sixty million dollars behind this door.” – Ocean’s Eleven

7/10- “Well why don’t you give me your number in case anything happens to my wife.” – Old School

7/9- “I don’t hate you, Nick. I just wish you’d never been born.” – Fred Claus

7/8- “After 12 years in the minor leagues, I don’t try out.” – Bull Durham

7/7- “Don’t look at me in that tone of voice.” – Good Luck Chuck

7/6- “I don’t believe this! I’ve got a trig midterm tomorrow, and I’m being chased by Guido the killer pimp.” – Risky Business

7/5- “Meat first!!!” – Kicking and Screaming

7/4- “People say that if you don’t love America, then get the hell out. Well, I love America.” – Born on the Fourth of July

7/3- “The overhead view is of me in a maze!” – Phish

7/2- “There’s ALWAYS time for lubricant!” – Evolution

7/1- “I’ve been going to this high school for seven and a half years. I’m no dummy. I know high school girls.” – Better Off Dead

6/30- “I’m chill as a cucumber, man.” – Pineapple Express

6/29- “Sell my guitars? Would you tell Picasso to sell his guitars?” – School of Rock

6/28- “Funny’s a male gene, you idiot. Haven’t you ever noticed whenever you see a really funny girl, she’s a little mannish? Think about it. Lily Tomlin, Evelyn DeGeneres, Rosie O’Donnell…” – The Heartbreak Kid

6/27- “We could be that mistake!!” – Superbad

6/26- “You work on my car, I’ll work on your girl.” – Viva Las Vegas

6/25- “Hey Ahmed…even Hank Aaron peels the ol’ eyelids before he takes a swing!” – The Bad News Bears

6/24- “Any moron with a pack of matches can set a fire. Raining down sulphur is like an endurance trial man. Mass genocide is the most exhausting activity one can engage in, outside of soccer.” – Dogma

6/23- “It puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again.” – Silence of the Lambs

6/22- “Just when I thought I was out… they pull me back in.” – Godfather III

6/21- “These chickens are jackin’ my style.” – Black Eyed Peas

6/17- “Cheer up, Palmer. You’ll soon be dead.” – Phish

6/16- “You remember the day I went out for cigarettes and didn’t come back? You must have noticed.” – Ocean’s Eleven

6/15- “No, venti is twenty. Large is large. In fact, tall is large and grande is Spanish for large. Venti is the only one that doesn’t mean large. It’s also the only one that’s Italian. Congratulations, you’re stupid in three languages.” – Role Models

6/14- “Try one of the blue ones. I’ve never had any real problems with the blue ones.” – Where the Buffalo Roam

6/13- “This is the year that Fink beats The Stomach.” – Meatballs

6/12- ” I’m setting booty traps.” – The Goonies

6/11- “Now that’s the kind of trunk space you want in a late model sedan.” – Evolution

6/10- “Skip the facts, just gimme the details.” – Bang the Drum Slowly

6/3- “Don’t stop! Don’t stop! Make Ginger pop!” – Footloose

6/2- “That’s not cheese!” – Get Smart

6/1- “I’m not getting bitter. I almost lost a nipple, okay?” – The 40 Year Old Virgin

5/31- “You’re like the drummer from REO Speedwagon. Nobody knows who you are.” – Employee of the Month

5/30- “Lamaze class: great place to meet girls.” – Summer School

5/29- “In and out of focus, time turns elastic.” – Phish

5/28- “They got snakes out there this biiiiiig?!?!?!?” – Anaconda

5/27- “Was I scared! I must have lost fifty pounds, all of it brown.” – Taps

5/26- “Elliot? You’re gonna name the kid Elliot? No, you can’t name the kid Elliot. Elliot is a fat kid with glasses who eats paste” – The Sure Thing

5/25- “That’s why they call it a quip and not a sloooow-pe.” – Shallow Hal

5/24- “Good job.” – Hancock

5/23- “I’m a guy. Since when do we get anything right the first time?” – Hitch

5/22- “You sexy like a chocolate strawberry.” – Role Models

5/21- “We scare because we care.” – Monsters, Inc.

5/20- “I had a mother lined up for him, but she’s bangin’ the Pepperidge Farm guy and the kid won’t stop peeing and throwing up, he’s like a cocker spaniel.” – Big Daddy

5/19- “Strikeouts are boring! Besides that, they’re fascist. Throw some ground balls – it’s more democratic.” – Bull Durham

5/18- “If you can’t be an athlete, be an athletic supporter.” – Grease

5/17- “I am Colin. God of Sex. I’m just on the wrong continent, that’s all.” – Love Actually

5/16- “Want me to even those up for you?” – Bruce Almighty

5/15- “For God’s sake, Jim! I’m a doctor, not a physicist!” – Star Trek

5/14- “I had a very strong work ethic. The problem was my ethics in work” – Boiler Room

5/13- “Ain’t but one way out baby and lord I just can’t go out the door. Cause there’s a man down there, might be your man, I don’t know.” – The Allman Brothers Band

5/12- “Long distance runner, what you standing there for?” – Grateful Dead

5/11- “So come up to the lab and see what’s on the slab. I see you shiver with antici… pation.” – Rocky Horror Picture Show

5/10- ” Wendy? Darling? Light, of my life. I’m not gonna hurt ya. You didn’t let me finish my sentence. I said, I’m not gonna hurt ya. I’m just going to bash your brains in.” – The Shining

5/9- “I spoke your name for many days; pronouncing it in several ways…and moving letters all around.” – Phish

5/8- “Russia don’t take a dump without a plan.” – Hunt for Red October

5/7- “It’s all in the hips.” – Happy Gilmore

5/6- “You have Christ between your thighs…only with a shorter beard.” – Forgetting Sarah Marshall (sorry, but I’m just loving this movie and some of it’s one-liners right now)

5/5- “You don’t wanna get laid, man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you gotta talk to ‘em.” – Colors

5/1- “You take the van, I’ll keep the dog” – Slap Shot

4/30- “I was thinking of the immortal words of Socrates who said, ‘I drank what?’” – Real Genius

4/29- “Let me just say that if God was a city planner he would not put a playground next to a sewage system!” – Forgetting Sarah Marshall

4/28- “Come on, baby. I’m faded, feeling X-rated. It’s Mr. Nasty Time.” – Next Friday

4/26- “The rain on my car is a baptism, the new me, Ice Man, Power Lloyd, my assault on the world begins now.” – Say Anything

4/22- “If you ever want to sleep at night, don’t marry a beautiful girl.” – Pushing Tin

4/21- “The chicks are packed! The chicks are packed!” – The Warriors

4/20- “Don’t nobody go in the bathroom for about 35, 45 minutes. Somebody open up a window.” – Friday

4/16- “Let’s kick some names and take some ass.” – The Waterboy

4/13- “You guys on MySpace?” – Superbad

4/9- “Bye-bye, California. Hello, new west coast. My west coast. Costa Del Lex. Luthorville. Marina del Lex. Otisburg… Otisburg?” – Superman

4/8- “I didn’t get you for your curve ball. I don’t like your curve ball. As a matter of fact, I hate your curve. You know why? Because the damn thing don’t curve!” – Little Big League

4/7- “Pitcher’s got a big buuutt!” – Rookie of the Year

4/6- “Big hit, happy body!” – Mr. Baseball

4/4- “Tell me, Mr. Anderson… what good is a phone call… if you’re unable to speak?” – The Matrix

4/1- “Please God, let it be Ding-Dongs!”- April Fool’s Day

3/31- “You complete me.” – Jerry Maguire

3/30- “Hey honey. I got Matsui!” – Knocked Up

3/26- “Has anyone in this family even seen a live chicken?” – Arrested Development

3/23- “Are those happy tissues or sad tissues?” – Forgetting Sarah Marshall

3/19- “I don’t want to hurt you! I just want to make you kosher!” – The Frisco Kid

3/18- “Women. Can’t live with ‘em……could you pass the nuts?” – Cheers

3/16- “Boom! Outta here!” – Bret Myers

3/12- “I bought a car, turned out to be an alien robot. Who knew?” – Transformers

3/11- “I bet you’re still on hold with, ‘Can I get another dead Asian hooker bitch over here right away?’” – Live Free or Die Hard

3/10- “Daddy, would you like some sausage?” – Freddy Got Fingered

3/6- “I think something bounced up into my undercarriage” – The Dukes of Hazard

3/5- “Lesbians euqals ratings” – Private Parts

3/4- “Good Lord, Lawrence! Why are you slapping a monkey?” Night at the Museum

3/3- “Utah, gimme two!!” – Point Break

3/2- “And you never once paid for drugs. Not once!” – Walk Hard

3/1- “When I was growing up, if we wanted a Jacuzzi, we had to fart in the tub.” – Trading Places

2/28- “Correct me if I’m wrong Sandy, but if I kill all the golfers, they’re gonna lock me up and throw away the key.” – Caddyshack

2/27- “Adios, cousins.” – Waterworld

2/26- “With all due respect, Madame President, ask around.” – Jack Bauer

2/25- “What we got’s gonna turn your brain into shit.” -Tenacious D and the Pick of Destiny

2/24- ” Did you kill a cheetah?” – Road Trip

2/23- “You wanna fight? Why don’t you stick your head up my ass and fight for air?” – Joe Dirt

2/22- “Let’s play tummysticks!” – Wedding Crashers

2/21- “Gradual school is where you go to school and you gradually find out you don’t want to go to school anymore.” – The World According to Garp

2/20- “Uncle Hulka?” – Stripes

2/19- “Kids are starving in India and you’re walking around with a sombrero full of peanuts.” – Meatballs

2/18- “All you need is a chip and a chair.” – Doyle Brunson

2/17- “That looks like Osama Bin Laden’s beard!” – Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay

2/16- “No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to die.” – Goldfinger

2/12- “Badges? We ain’t got no badges. We don’t need no badges! I don’t have to show you any stinkin’ badges!” – The Treasure of the Sierra Madre

2/3- “They laughed at Louis Armstrong when he said he was going to moon…” – Blades of Glory

1/29- “Base up you blockheads!” – The Sandlot

1/22- “People will come, Ray.” – Field of Dreams

1/12- “Let me get back to you, will ya, Charlie? I got a guy on the other line asking about some white walls.” – Major League

12/23- “This song is an excellent cure for the will to live.” – Definitely, Maybe

12/20 – “Money won is twice as sweet as money earned.” – The Color of Money

12/19- “Free cable is the ultimate aphrodisiac, Steven.” – The Cable Guy

12/18- “Hey you! Pick up that blood.” – Caddyshack

12/17- “Thought is the enemy.” – Pushing Tin

12/16- “I’ll cradle the balls, stroke the shaft, work the pipe, and swallow the gravy. Get it over here, buddy. Let’s do this.” – Tropic Thunder

12/12- “I am insane. And you are my insanity.” – 12 Monkeys

12/11- “Buddy the Elf, what’s your favorite color?” – Elf

12/10 – “Look out ladies of Wisconsin! Here comes Colin Frizzle……and he’s got a big knob!” – Love Actually

12/9- “Baby, we’re going to be up five hundy by midnight!” – Swingers

12/6- I don’t mean to be the materialistic weasel of this group, but do you think we’ll get hazard pay out of this?” – Armageddon

12/5- “You just get that sucker to the designated place at the designated time, and I will gladly designate his ass… for dismemberment!” – The Last Dragon

12/4- “Big tree fall hard.” – Wedding Crashers

12/3- “Name’s Smalls. Leonard Smalls. My friends call me Lenny… only I ain’t got no friends.” – Raising Arizona

12/2- “It smells like a turd covered in burnt hair.” – Anchorman

11/27- “I used to touch Fawn this way.” – Animal House

11/26- “Welcome to the El Flamingo, Jeffrey. Don’t piss in the pool, Jeffrey.” - The Flamingo Kid

11/25- “It’s all happening!!” – Almost Famous

11/22- “You know what the taxes are on 5 million dollars? …….. 6 million dollars!” – National Treasure II

11/21- “Only a moron can sit and watch two football games, one after the other.” – The Longest Yard

11/20- “I don’t want to see them gain another yard. You blitz ALL NIGHT!!!” – Remember the Titans

11/19- “It makes his junk smell like pie.” – Juno

11/15- “She stole my heart and my cat.” – So I Married and Axe Murderer

11/14- “Everything we own fell off a truck!” – Married to the Mob

11/13- “Mikey, why don’t you tell that nice girl you love her? I love you with all-a my heart, if I don’t see-a you again soon, I’m-a gonna die.” – The Godfather

11/12- “I know a really good sand guy.” – Old School

11/11- “I’m sure Typhoid Mary was a very nice person too when you saw her socially.” – The Fly

11/7- “Germans have been warming sausages like that for years.” – Beerfest

11/6- “I’m rooting for the crocodile. I hope he swallows your friends whole.” – Lake Placid

11/5- “…government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth”. – Abraham Lincoln

11/4- “Pick Flick!” – Election

11/1- “Every Friday night you be like, ‘Flush me, J. Flush me!’ I be like, ‘Nah.’” – MIB 2

10/31- “It’s Halloween, everyone’s entitled to one good scare.” – Halloween

10/28- “I want to be on you.” - Anchorman

10/25- “Ha ha!!” – The Simpsons (Nelson to be precise)

10/24- “Pearl Harbor didn’t work out so we got you with tape decks.” - Die Hard

10/23- “Leave behind the ugly. Take only the good with you.” – Sylvia Newman

10/21- “Having a kid is great… as long as his eyes are closed and he’s not moving or speaking.” – Big Daddy

10/18- “A thousand barefoot children outside, dancing on my lawn.” – Phish

10/17- “Some dead guy could roll out here and cough up malaria into our faces” – Knocked Up

10/16- “I don’t think you’ve got the bat speed.” – Fever Pitch

10/15- “You may wake up one day and find yourself extinct.” – Blade

10/14- “Try not to live up to all my expectations.” – The Sting

10/11- “We’re gettin’ the band back together.” – The Blues Brothers

10/10- “Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday, dear Hiro, happy birthday to you!”

10/7- “It’s a dog eat dog world out there and I’m wearing MilkBone underwear.” – Cheers

10/6- “I love Brian Piccolo. And tonight, when you hit your knees, please ask God to love him.” – Brian’s Song

10/5- “Hell coach, I love needles!” - North Dallas Forty

10/4- “Cody’s a bum. Cody’s this. Cody’s that. Cody’s me, bro. Let me be me. When’s that gonna happen?” – Surf’s Up

10/3- “We must kill them. We must incinerate them. Pig after pig. Cow after cow. Village after village. Army after army.” – Apocalypse Now

10/2- “Peanut butter and jelly sandwich? You’ll never get anywhere treating your helmet like a lunchbox.” – Little Giants

10/1- “You better watch it, Dr. Death! I’m pretty damn fast for a Caucasian.” - The Best of Times

9/30- “The football’s like a one-man cold to Clifford Franklin. Clifford Franklin’s the only man catchin’ it, Clifford Franklin’s the only man comin’ down wid it.” – The Replacements

9/29- “No, you did NOT shoot that green sh*t at me!” – Independance Day

9/28- “You remember the day I went out for cigarettes and didn’t come back? You must’ve noticed.” – Ocean’s Eleven

9/27- “Tough luck Lonnehan. But that’s what you get for playing with your head up your ass.” – The Sting (So long Paul; forever remembered as one of the greats)

9/26- “Of course I’m serious…and don’t call me Shirley.” – Airplane

9/25- “It’s an .88 Magnum. It shoots through schools.” – Johnny Dangerously

9/24- “If I untie this, what happens to your skirt?” – Busty Models 2

9/23- “I’m not an animal, I’m a whore!” – I Now Pronounce you Chuck and Larry

9/22- “I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the earth” – Lou Gehrig

9/20- “I love meatballs so you better get ready.” - Phish

9/19- “Kim’s a guy?” – Rock Star

9/18- “You’re my boy, Blue!” – Old School

9/17- “”This is what I’ve got to ho-ho-ho about.” – The People vs. Larry Flynt

9/16- “This isn’t going to work. You’re playing football with a bunch of butlers.” – Heaven Can Wait

9/15- You are my ambassador of kwon.” – Jerry Maguire

9/13- “My name is Jefferson Edward Briggs. But everyone calls me Jake. Except for my grandmother. She calls me Booper.” – She’s Having a Baby

9/12- “He hates these cans. Stay away from the cans!!” – The Jerk

9/11- “Get in your mouse, and get out of here.” – Uncle Buck

9/10- “Anyone else afraid of anything here besides insects?” – The Replacements

9/5- “He’s gettin’ beat like he stole somethin’” – Remember the Titans

9/4- “My name’s Glenn. Guess how many fingers I’ve got.” – The Ringer

9/3- “I hear you’re a man who knows how to get things.” – The Shawshank Redemption

9/2- “You show me how to control a wild fucking gypsy and I’ll show you how to control an unhinged, pig-feeding gangster.” – Snatch

9/1- “What are you looking at? You’re laborers. You’re supposed to be laboring. That’s what you get for not having an education.” – Real Genius

8/29- ” And I like Vicki, and she like me back! And she showed me her boobies and I like them too!” – The Waterboy

8/28- “I could be the walrus. I’d still have to bum rides off of people.” – Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

8/27- “We’ve got two or three potential all-stars out here.” - Major League

8/26- “BIIIIGGG sack by Manumana the Slender! Who does his “I’m gonna go out and get some POI” sack celebration dance!” – Necessary Roughness

8/25- “Why the hell is your ass so dirty? Don’t you wipe?” — Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay

8/24- “Mom’s making a pubey salad and she needs some of Seth’s own dressing.” – Superbad

8/22- “I don’t care who you were back in the world. You give away our position one more time, I’ll bleed you. Real quiet.” – Predator

8/21- “Tataglia’s a pimp. He could have never out-fought Santino.” – The Godfather

8/20- “I guess you guys aren’t ready for that yet…but your kids are gonna love it.” – Back to the Future

8/19- “Free cable is the ultimate aphrodisiac.” – The Cable Guy

8/16- “So… ya wanna see Andy? Anybody gotta flashlight and a couple of shovels?” – Man on the Moon

8/15- ” If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball. ” – Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story

8/14- “You’ve got more video games than a teen-aged Asian kid.” – The 40 Year Old Virgin

“8/13- “It’s so good. Once it hits your lips, tastes so good.” – Old School

8/12- “Her name’s Naomi. That’s “I moan” backwards.” – Van Wilder

8/11- “Who’s the black private dick that’s a sex machine to all the chicks?” – Isaac Hayes (we’ll miss you too!)

8/10- “You know you won’t let me deal no cards. Might as well call it white-jack.” – Bernie Mac in Ocean’s Eleven (we’ll miss you Bernie)

8/9- “Hey man, your taxi had a siren.” – Remember the Titans

8/8- ” I may not be a great ninja; I may not be one with the universe; but I will say this: NO ONE MESSES WITH MY BROTHER” – Beverly Hills Ninja

8/7- “Oh yeah, I’m your sister! I’m your sister!” – Joe Dirt

8/6- “I smell something weird out here. Smells like someone’s been hittin’ the devil’s lettuce.” – The Heartbreak Kid

8/5- “You’re Abe Froeman? The Sausage King of Chicago?” – Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

8/4- ” He’s a pedantic, pontificating, pretentious bastard, a belligerent old fart, a worthless steaming pile of cow dung, figuratively speaking.” – Liar Liar

8/1- “Por-ky! The boys from Angel beach are here!!!” – Porky’s

7/31- “Francisco, that’s fun to say!” – Elf

7/30- “Shall we go, you and I while we can, through the transitive nightfall of diamonds.” – Grateful Dead

7/29- “There’s gonna be two hits….. me hittin’ you and you hittin’ the floor.” – The Breakfast Club

7/28- “Yippee-kai-yea, motherf***er!!” – Die Hard

7/27- “Peligroso es mi nombre medio.” – Ocean’s Thirteen

7/26- “If my team’s plane crashes, I’m eating C.J. Wilson first.” – Keith Giordano

7/25- “I hear that I can use my seat cushion as a flotation device and I pray to God they ain’t lying!” – moe.

7/24- “I love to see a fat guy score.” – The Replacements

7/23- “Funny, she doesn’t look Druish.” – Spaceballs

7/22- “These pretzels are making me thirsty.” – Seinfeld

7/21- “I killed my Daddy for criticizing my new fur jacket and….slapping my hand.” – Stir Crazy

7/20- “Don’t flatter yourself, Pee-Wee.” – Tango & Cash

7/19- “You couldn’t hear a dump truck driving through a nitroglycerin plant.” – Christmas Vacation

7/18- “Ray. If someone asks if you are a god, you say, ‘YES!’” – Ghostbusters

7/17- “This was no boating accident!” – Jaws

7/16- “Hell no! Damned alligator BIT my hand off!” – Happy Gilmore

7/15- “I’ll shoot ya’ and say ya’ fell in the kitchen.” – Rush Hour II

7/14- “That’s a lot of cows.” – The Rundown

7/13- “My brother just paid a buck to see your underpants.” – Sixteen Candles

7/12- “Man, that’s a huge bitch!” – Deuce Bigelow: Male Gigolo

7/11- “Go, trig boy! It’s your birthday!” – American Pie

7/10- “I’m gonna go get the papers. Get the papers.” – Good Fellas

7/9- “You go down that way…really fast. If something gets in your way, turn.” – Better Off Dead

7/8- “You rebel scum!” – Return of the Jedi

7/7- “I’m not letting you in because you’re old as fuck. Not for the earth, but for this club.” – Knocked Up

7/4- “Yeah, well, sometimes nothin’ can be a real cool hand.” – Cool Hand Luke

7/3- “Be advised. I’m mean, nasty and tired. I eat concertina wire and piss napalm and I can put a round in a flea’s ass at 200 meters. So why don’t you go hump somebody else’s leg, mutt face, before I push yours in.” – Heartbreak Ridge

7/2- “Can I paint his yoo-hoo gold now? It’s kind of my thing, you know… ” – Austin Powers in Goldmember

7/1- “Does Barry Manilow know you raid his wardrobe?” – The Breakfast Club

6/30- ” I have nipples, Greg, could you milk me?” – Meet the Parents

6/27- “I have a toy pony. He takes big shits.” – Mystery, Alaska

6/26- “I like to picture Jesus in a tuxedo t-shirt because it says, “I’m formal, but I like to party!” – Talladega Nights

6/25- “What we do in life, echoes in eternity.” – Gladiator

6/24- “It’s not cheating if you smear peanut butter on your testicles and let your dog lick it off because it’s your dog.” – Road Trip

6/23- “Daddy!! I wanna go on that ride!!!!!” – Dude, Where’s my Car??

6/22- “I guess when you combine large quantities of cough syrup with Yodels……..you get acid.” -Click

6/21- “2-20…2-21…whatever it takes.” – Mr. Mom

6/20- “But…………… these go to 11.” – This is Spinal Tap

6/19- “Why don’t you take her to the zoo? I hear retards like zoos.” – Rocky

6/18- “Hi. I’m Gary Cooper. But not the Gary Cooper that’s dead.” – The Sure Thing

6/17- I’ll take a bloody mary, a steak sandwich and a…..steak sandwich.” – Fletch

6/16- “If peeing your pants is cool, consider me Miles Davis.” – Billy Madison

6/15- “You shut your mouth when you’re talking to me!” – Wedding Crashers

6/14- “Momma says alligators are ornery because they got all them teeth and no toothbrush.” – The Waterboy

6/13- “Ask me about my weiner!!” – Accepted

6/12- DON’T CALL ME SWEETHEART!!!” – the old lady who got thrown out of the Yanks/A’s game yesterday

6/11- “It’s good to be the king.” – History of the World Part 1

6/10- “We’re putting on the foil, Coach. Every game.” – Slapshot

6/9- “With great power comes great responsibility.” – Spider-Man

6/8- “Schute!?! Nobody wants to wrestle Schute!” – Vision Quest

6/7- “Whatever you do, take care of your shoes.” – Phish

6/6- “Do your thing, man.” – Mr. 3000

6/5- “The Dude abides.” – The Big Lebowski

6/4- “Either light up or leave me alone.” – Traffic (the band, not the movie)

6/3- “This one’s got the duck doin’ all the work.” – Click

6/2- “There can be only one.” – The Highlander

6/1- “Thought I was looking at my mother’s old douche bag, but that’s back in Ohio.” – Revenge of the Nerds

5/31- “Aw man, you lyin’! You ain’t never met Dr. Martin Luther the King!” – Coming to America

5/30- “I love lamp.” – Anchorman

5/29- “Roads? Where we’re going we don’t need roads?” – Back to the Future

5/28- “That’s why I love these high school girls. I keep getting older, they stay the same age.” – Dazed and Confused

5/27- “No milk will ever be our milk.” – Billy Madison

5/26- “Caught a hanger, Sarge.” – Rounders

5/25- “Don’t make me angry. You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.” – The Incredible Hulk

5/24- “You’ve got me?!? Who’s got you?!?” – Superman: The Movie

5/23- “Quick, let’s get out of here before one of those things kills Guy!” – Galaxy Quest

5/22- “Viva Los Bio-Dome!!!!!!!” – Bio-Dome

5/21- “I have no bird, I have no bush. God has taken my bird and my bush.” – Bruce Almighty

5/20- “I’d rather be bald than chicken-shit!” – Slapshot

5/19- “Your face looks like Robin Williams’ knuckles.” – Knocked Up

5/18- “Argue your limitations and they will be yours.” – Richard Bach

5/17- “You can tell the Queen of Diamonds by the way she shines.” – Jerry Garcia

5/16- “He who try to catch foul ball may break his nose in the process.” – Anonymous

5/15- “Look at the scoreboard, Buddha, I’m doing just fine.” – Major League II

5/14- “MOM!!!!! MEATLOAF!!!!! We want it now!!!!” – Wedding Crashers

5/13- “I love black people!!!!!!!!!!!!” – Jerry Maguire

5/8- “Did anyone ever tell you, you look like a penis with that little hat on?” – A League of their Own

5/7- “Chicks dig me because I rarely wear underwear and when I do its usually something unusual.” Stripes

5/6- “There’s something wrong with her underwear.” – 40- Year Old Virgin

5/5- “Holy cow!!!” – Phil Rizzutto

5/4- “Not that there’s anything wrong with it.” – Seinfeld

5/3- “Leave the gun, take the cannoli.” – The Godfather

5/2- “It’s all ball-bearings these days.” - Fletch

4/30- “It’s Lima time!!” – Jose Lima

4/29- “Kick his ass, Sea Bass!” – Dumb and Dumber

4/28- “You’re out of ice?!?! You can’t be out of ice!!!” – The Invincibles

4/25- “I said I saw your father on Fantasy Island!” – Mr. and Mrs. Smith

4/24- “Uh oh! Happy learned how to putt.” – Happy Gilmore

4/23- “Have you seen these toilets?!? They’re ginormous!” – Elf

4/22- “Gambling is illegal at Bushwood, and I never slice.” – Caddyshack

4/21- “Daddy is not coming on anything.” – Harold and Kumar go to White Castle

4/18- “Was that floating like a Cadillac, or stingin’ like a Beemer?” – Cars

4/17- “Where can a man get a rub and a tug around here?” – Mystery, Alaska

4/16- “Ugh! You smell like aftershave and taco meat.” – Blades of Glory

4/15- “Taxes are the price we pay for civilization.” – Oliver Wendell Holmes

4/14- “Can you blow me where the pampers is?” – PCU

4/10- “What are you, the black hole of basketball?” – Eddie

4/9- “Next time I’ll pull out the leather, high heels, and pink underwear.” – Gone in 60 Seconds

4/7- “Kasmir?” – Ocean’s Twelve

4/5- “Tommy like wingies!” – Tommy Boy

4/4- “Mostly Maui Waui man, but it’s got some Labrador in it.” – Up in Smoke

4/3- “Let’s see how you like my………Cock Rocket!!!! – Orgazmo

4/2- “I know it was you, Fredo. You broke my heart.” – The Godfather: Part II

3/28- “Stop them from shakin’ their ass for two minutes!!!” – The Replacements

3/25- “PLAAAAAAY BALLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!”

3/24- “I’m like a single mom. I wash and dry!” – Superbad

3/20- “I figure a white blue chip athlete like myself deserves a little something extra.” – Blue Chips

3/19- “That kangaroo just took my ball!” – Caddyshack

3/18- “Get him a body bag!!!” - Karate Kid

3/17- “I suggest you bunt.” – Mr.Baseball

3/13- “Pepper needs new shorts!!!” – Dodgeball

3/12- “Soooooooo hot. Want to touch the heinie!” – Billy Madison

3/11- “Yeah, well…….I also cook.” – Under Siege

3/10- “You framed an Asia poster?” – 40-Year-Old Virgin

3/9- “I’m goin’ down, to the central part of town.” – Phish

3/8- “Here comes the blackfoot!” – Mr.Deeds

3/7- “I’m here to talk about the positive.” – Mark McGuire

3/6- “They were cones!!!” – The Wedding Singer

3/5- “You should start Wegman.” – Little Big League

3/4- “Gonna paint the town red and paint his wife white” – Kid Rock

3/3- “Just stick your glove in the air, and I’ll take care of the rest.” – The Sandlot

3/2- “Let me drive, I won’t make a fool of you.” – Days of Thunder

3/1- “The ‘have-to’…it’s what you go to when you feel the fear.” – Rookie of the Year

2/29- “Well you told me your finger was a gun, you big jerk!” – Field of Dreams

2/28- “You gotta tell me, the outfield grass, is it spongey?” - Fever Pitch

2/27- “So we’re looking for an African Jew in a hoodie?” – Superbad

2/26- “How’s your wife and my kid?” – Major League

2/25- “It’s Friday, you aint got no job, and you ain’t got shit to do.” - Friday

2/24- “He didn’t hit you he didn’t nudge you he didn’t bump you. He rubbed you. And rubbin’, son, is racin’ “. – Days of Thunder

2/23- “They’re like little baby toes…” – Superbad

2/22- “Stikeouts are boring. Besides that, their fascist.” – Bull Durham

2/21- “60% of the time, it works every time.” – Anchorman

2/20- “I am Jack’s complete lack of surprise.” – Fight Club

2/19- “Boogity, boogity, boogity!!!! Let’s go racin’ boys!!!!!” – Darrell Waltrip

2/16- “Hats, for bats. Gracias.” – Major League

2/15- “These are not the ‘droids you are looking for.” – Star Wars

2/14- “Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.” – Animal House

2/13- “Well, if you take out the romantic connotation and add a golf theme…. then Romeo, I am your Juliet.” – Tin Cup

2/12- “Look at all those albinos!” – The Benchwarmers

2/11- “That idea ain’t worth a velvet painting of a whale and a dolphin gettin’ it on.” – Ricky Bobby

2/10- “These pretzels are making me thirsty.” – Seinfeld

2/9- “LET THEM PLAY!! LET THEM PLAY!!!” – The Bad News Bears in Breaking Training

2/8- “Repetition works, David.” – Natural Born Killers

2/7- “Repetition works, David.” – Natural Born Killers

2/6- “If you no help me now, I say ‘Fuck you, Joboo.’ I do it myself.”- Major League.

2/5- “You’re killin’ me Smalls!” – The Sandlot

2/4- “All hail the New York Giants!” – Madagascar

2/3- “We play to win the game!” – Herm Edwards

2/2- “Too early for flapjacks?” – Groundhog Day

2/1- “Another victim of the Night-time Nurses from Jersey”- Little Big League

1/31- “I’m the straw that stirs the drink.” – Reggie Jackson

1/30- “I’m to drunk to taste this chicken” – Col. Sanders

1/29- “Did he just say ‘funky buttloving’?” – Rookie of the Year